Coming Home
by hipotamus
Summary: After the events of Eclipse, Bella realised that she needed freedom from Edward and her life in Forks. She moved to England for university, but after four years, it's now time to return to Washington. She is forced to make some difficult choices as she reunites with Edward and Jacob, and has to escape yet again from the Volturi. Jacob/Bella. Extreme Fluff.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** After the events of Eclipse, Bella realised that she needed freedom from Edward and her life in Forks. She moved to England for university but after four years, it's now time to return to Washington. She is forced to make some difficult choices as she reunites with Edward and Jacob and has to escape yet again from the Volturi.

**Warning**: This story will be extremely fluffy and gooey. It is also rated M. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter One:**

"_**We feel free when we escape - even if it be but from the frying pan to the fire."**_

"I know I ran away, ok? I knew that from the second I stepped on the plane and left my whole world behind and I know that it wasn't the first time either. When I left mom and Phil and moved to Forks, that was different – I was putting myself into a kind of exile to try and make their lives better – or easier – without having me around. But coming here wasn't like that. My decision to come here was for me – I had to just get away from it all. I couldn't have achieved anything if I'd stayed there. I just needed a change."

"There is nothing wrong with change if it's in the right direction."

I looked up. I'd been speaking for so long that I had nearly forgotten about the soft-spoken woman who sat across from me, clipboard resting on her knee, a ballpoint pen dangling from her fingers. She gazed at me with steady brown eyes over the rim of frameless glasses, and as usual I felt that I was being x-rayed. She was sitting in a high-backed leather chair opposite me on the soft brown suede couch.

The first time I'd been in this room I'd wondered whether I was supposed to lie down on it, as people seemed to do in the movies. The material had looked so soft and comfortable I was sure if I lay down, I would have fallen asleep. Instead, I'd kicked off my sneakers and tucked my legs under me, curling up against the armrest. I was sitting in the same position now, a half-cup of tea cold in my hand.

"I think I'm going to go back."

ooo

I pulled my cardigan a little tighter around me as I left my therapist's office, and stepped out onto the busy London sidewalk. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket, rolling my eyes when I saw the 5 missed calls from Charlie. I knew I shouldn't have emailed him yesterday letting him know of my plans to return the States; he hadn't stopped calling and messaging since.

Everything had started about 3 months ago, when I had been stacking shelves with big dusty volumes at the University Library – I had been working there since the last year of my undergrad – and my boss had appeared from around the stacks.

She leaned casually against the bookshelf and let out a rather world-weary sigh. She was very tall and thin, and her eyeglasses always rested precariously on the tip of her long nose. She was the stereotypical image of a librarian, a few books tucked under her arm and a piece of paper clutched in her gnarled hands.

"I wish we could keep you on, Bella, but with the educational budget cuts…" she trailed off and looked guiltily at me.

"It's alright," I reassured her, dusting my hands on my ratty jeans. "I'll find something else, I'm sure."

"You know the UK job market is shocking at the moment. You'd have a better time of it if you returned to the US."

I shrugged. "Maybe. I kinda like it here though."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Your dad rang about half an hour ago."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" I slammed the dusty book down onto my trolley, and turned to apologise. "I am so sorry! I told him not to call me at work unless it's an absolute emergency."

She shrugged. "It's ok, Bella. I just get the feeling that he misses you." She handed me the piece of paper that she had been clutching. "Look, I found this for you online. I called them up already and recommended you. A change of scenery would probably do you some good."

It was my turn to shrug now and I looked down at the printout, thinking she'd probably found me a job as a school librarian in some remote town I was unlikely to ever want to visit. However, as the words on the page registered, I gasped in surprise.

"You have got to be kidding me, Cheryl! Library Quality and Planning Manager at Seattle Public Library? I would never in a million years get a job like that."

"Listen, you have an undergrad in American History and a masters in English Literature. Plus you've been working in a library for the past 2 years. They'd be lucky to have someone like you."

I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to retort but she cut me off.

"No, don't argue. I called up the Library Director today and she sounded interested. I've written her phone number down the bottom. She's waiting for your call." And with that, she turned and shuffled away leaving me to stare at the at the job requirements in shock.

Could I really do it? Not just the job, but could I really move back? I hesitated for a moment before folding the paper in half and shoving it into my back pocket.

I'd left in such a rush once high school had finished. Out of nowhere, I had rashly accepted my offer to the University of London that Edward had forced me to apply for, packed my bags and boarded a flight to London. I hadn't even been back to America for a visit since. My visa was running out though, and unless I got a permanent job and a sponsor soon, I would have to go back.

But Seattle.

That had all taken place about 3 months ago and things sort of snowballed from there.

My therapist had been trying to get rid of me for months anyway now, claiming that I was a "perfectly functioning adult in her 20s who had resolved her issues and was ready to take on the big wide world" and today had been our last visit.

Although Dr Kopner had been stern and analytical, she'd been my security blanket since moving here.

"You are recovering from an abusive relationship," she'd informed me bluntly at the end of my first session. "Your ex- boyfriend displays the traits of narcissistic personality disorder. And these types of people typically enter into controlling and manipulative relationships."

I had gaped at her. Sure Edward had been a little protective of me, but controlling and abusive?

"Why did you leave him?" she'd asked, x-raying me over her glasses.

"I don't know," I mumbled. "I'd just sort of had enough. I just wanted a normal human – I mean, a normal _teenage_ life. Being with him seemed to hurt a lot of people. Took me away from a lot of people." I paused and licked my lips. "I just didn't want that anymore."

"But you took _yourself_ away from those people." She pointed out. "You left the country and your family and friends behind." It wasn't a question.

"I think…" I paused, trying to make myself admit it. "I think I just ran away…"

ooo

"I'm going to miss you Bel!" one of my flatmates, Karin, moaned as she taped up a large brown box full of kitchen appliances. She popped the cap off of the black sharpie in her hand, and in large neat letters wrote "BELLA'S CRAP" across the lid.

I scowled at her and gestured at the ten brown boxes stacked neatly by the door. "And when I arrive in Seattle, exactly how am I going to differentiate between all of these? You've written the same thing on every box."

"Oh you'll be fine, Bella, stop worrying so much." She flashed her bright smile at me and pushed a dreadlock out of her dark brown eyes. "We need to get this done by 6 anyway – the whole gang wants to take you to the pub before you fly out tomorrow."

"Fine, but it needs to be an early night - the last thing I want to do is fly with a hangover," I warned her, but grinned anyway.

"Oh do you really have to leave?" she sighed.

"My visa's running out," I replied, as one-by-one I pulled down the photos I had stuck to my walls.

"You could stay as an illegal immigrant, I wouldn't tell anyone."

I laughed, "Thanks, that's sweet."

I'd met Karin four years ago in one of my first lectures at the University of London. After taking a seat in the back row of the huge lecture theatre, I had pulled out my new binder and notebook. The night before, I had spent hours carefully dividing and labelling my new folder, excitement and fear pounding through my veins. Sitting in the cold hard chair of Lecture Theatre 5, I'd opened to the section entitled "Medieval English Literature" and took the lid off my pen. Just then, a tall dark-skinned girl with long dreadlocks pinned up under a bright orange headscarf had dropped her bag noisily on the floor and slumped into the creaky wooden seat beside me. I had smiled weakly at her then returned my attention to my brand new notebook, which I'd opened, and carefully dated the first page.

"Regretted taking this class yet?" the girl had whispered 5 minutes into the course aims as she shot me her most mischievous grin – something I'd come to recognise over the next few weeks, and soon knew was followed by trouble.

"Most definitely," I'd muttered back, ignoring the sideways glare we received from our neighbour.

"I'm Karin," she introduced herself, sticking out her hand. "I saw you in my Art History 101 class earlier."

I shook her hand. "Bella," I said, "Yeah I think I remember you." We'd compared timetables then, and she had been delighted to see we had two other classes together.

Karin had been the first of my friendship group here in London, and over the years that group had grown until I found myself living in a house with 5 wonderful people. The guilt I felt over ditching Charlie and running away from America had eased slightly as my friends in the UK became my family, and I finally felt I had a sense of purpose to my life again.

I picked up the last box of my belongings and placed it with all of the others by the door. "I think that's the lot," I said, looking around at my empty bedroom. Thinking about the friends and the life I'd made for myself here, I again wondered if it would be a mistake to go back. But then again, I told myself, I hadn't even meant to stay this long.

My cell phone rung and I glanced at the screen. Charlie was calling yet again, making sure I hadn't changed my mind and confirming again that he would be at the airport the following day to pick me up.

"Hey Dad," I said tapping the speakerphone button so I could talk to him as I tidied up my final few possessions. "What's up?

"Hi honey, just wanted to see how all the packing was going. Still catching the flight tomorrow?"

I sighed. "Yes, Charlie, I'm still catching the flight, I promise. The movers will be here this afternoon to get my boxes. They'll arrive in a week or so. If it's still ok I'll stay with you until then – until I get my stuff and figure out a place to live."

"You know you can stay as long as you want," he grunted. "No need for you to leave again so soon."

"I know, Dad. But if everything goes to plan then I'll be starting my new job next week. Three hours each way is a pretty big commute…"

He grunted into the phone, double checked my flight number and arrival time and then we hung up. My messages were flashing – another message from Renee checking that I still didn't want her coming up to Forks to welcome me back to the country.

"Honestly," I mumbled. "You'd think they hadn't seen me for years! They were only just out here at Christmas."

"They're excited," Karin replied with a shrug. "Now go get showered and dressed, we're leaving in half an hour."

ooo

The flight from London to New York City was long, dull and uncomfortable. Karin had insisted that we take the tube to the airport in order to save money on a taxi, but this had meant I arrived so late to check-in that the only remaining seat was in the middle of a row, squashed between two rather sizeable men. I glared at their pudgy hands sitting on the armrests either side of me, and crossed my arms a little tighter across my chest.

It didn't help that I was feeling distinctly hungover and I yet again cursed my friends for their insistence that I stayed for "just one more" last night. That wasn't my only regret from last night and I closed my eyes tight as I remembered my rather hasty goodbye with Henry this morning.

Henry.

What a complication. I'd tried saying goodbye to him weeks ago once I'd made the decision to return to Washington. However, the more I pushed him away, the closer he seemed to cling. Last night had been entirely my fault though, and I blamed the pints of beer my friends had plied me with all evening. _One last time_, I'd thought before we'd drunkenly lurched back to my place and fallen into bed together.

It wasn't that I didn't _like _Henry, it was just that my feelings of desire for him had never turned into anything more permanent, and I'd never been able to honestly return his professions of love. I'd almost felt sorry for him. _Love?_ I'd wanted to say. _You think this is love? I can tell you what love is, and trust me mate, this doesn't even come close. This isn't even a shadow of the love I've had._

I sighed and attempted to take control of one of my armrests. The man simply snorted in his sleep and forced me into an even more cramped position as he turned away from me.

I didn't want to think about love now. I didn't really want to think about love at all.

ooo

I laughed when I saw him. Standing outside the gate at Port Angeles Domestic airport was Charlie, holding a bunch of flowers and looking beyond eager.

"Hey Dad," I greeted him, taking the flowers from him before being enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. I breathed in the familiar scent of wood smoke and aftershave and blinked back tears as I looked up into his face. "Oh my god!" I cried out when I realised what was different. "You've been de-moustached!"

He chortled and ran his fingers over his bare lip wincing slightly at the unfamiliar feeling. "Well, I thought it was time for a change."

"Meaning Sue didn't like it?" I inquired cheekily.

"Something like that," he muttered, grabbing my bag as we made our way outside into the rain towards the cruiser.

"How are things going between you two anyway?" I pried, a smile on my face. Charlie had helped Sue out a lot after her husband's funeral. Slowly their company had turned into friendship and the friendship had developed into something more. She still lived in La Push, but I knew Charlie was down there with her most nights, enjoying her good cooking and company.

"Oh fine," he replied, his cheeks turning pink as he tried not to catch my eye. "What about you and that Henry kid?"

I shrugged. "It didn't make sense anymore. Not with me back here anyway."

Charlie just nodded, clearly uncomfortable having this conversation with his grown-up daughter. We loaded my bags into the cruiser and I cranked up the heating as soon as Charlie started the engine.

"Thought you'd be used the cold and rain after living in England."

"I think it's actually colder and rainier here," I muttered, pulling my jacket tighter around me and settling back into the seat as we made our way out onto the familiar road back to Forks.

After half an hour of comfortable silence, Charlie cleared his throat and said, "You seem happy Bella. When I saw you in England I mean. You smiled a lot and you just seemed happy."

I shrugged and remembered a conversation I'd had with Dr Kopler a few months into my sessions.

"You say you are not a happy person, Isabella," she always used my full name. "Why not?"

I couldn't really think of a good answer for this. "I don't really know. I guess I've always been a bit pessimistic. A bit of a martyr." I hadn't been able to tell her about the vampires or werewolves – that would have got me thrown into an institution for sure. "Things have just been stressful."

She'd given me some homework to do after that session – to write a list of the things I appreciated in my life. After hours of scratching things out and starting again I finally had a list of things I appreciated and was surprised to see that the list was mostly comprised of people. The first five were:

Charlie

Renee

(These two had been interchangeable as the top two on my list as I couldn't decide which I appreciated more.)

3. Jacob

4. Angela

Alice

My stomach squirmed now as I remembered number 3 on my list.

Jacob.

Dr Kopler said I employed the avoidance strategy when it came to Jacob and I couldn't help but agree with her. That was one issue that I hadn't managed to work through with my therapist and she said it would just take time.

We'd kept in touch when I first moved to the UK. He'd Skype from the local internet café when he could, and we'd make the occasional and very expensive long distance phone calls. But our conversations were either depressing when we talked about how much we missed each other, or light and awkward when we tried to avoid the subject. In the end, we stopped phoning, and soon the emails became less frequent until I woke up one day and realised that it had been a year since we'd been in touch. Charlie often kept me in the loop about the Blacks and what they'd been up to, but as I'd stopped asking, he'd stopped telling me, and now I wasn't even sure where Jacob was living or what he was doing.

In many ways, I'd wanted to get away from the magic of it all as well. I didn't want anything to do with vampires or werewolves anymore. I wanted normalcy. And so I'd slowly cut Jacob out, trying to ignore the twisting guilt in my stomach whenever I remembered him.

Angela and I still wrote weekly emails to each other, and I was delighted to hear about her life. Amazingly, she and Ben had stuck together through the first few years at university and he had proposed midway through their 3rd year while on Christmas break. Although she'd asked me to come out for the wedding, I couldn't afford the trip, but had looked through her photos on Facebook. She'd been a stunning bride and only last week had told me they were now expecting their first child. I couldn't have been happier for her.

I kept in touch with Alice sporadically, enjoying hearing about her adventures with Jasper and the places they went to. She came and visited me in London quite a few times, although none of my housemates had particularly warmed to her. She often passed on Edward's regards, which I politely returned, although I hadn't been in touch with him directly.

As we pulled up to the house, I smiled at the familiarity of it all. Nothing had changed. The yellow window shutters still shone dully through the sheets of rain. The railing up the front steps was still broken in that same spot.

"Haven't turned my bedroom into a gym yet?" I teased Charlie as he hurried through the rain with my bag and up to the front porch.

He merely snorted and felt above the doorframe for the spare key before opening the door and letting us inside. Charlie carried my bag upstairs for me, then stood awkwardly in my doorway as I looked around my all-too familiar bedroom. Nothing had changed.

"You settle in, I'll make you a cup of tea. Want anything to eat?"

I just shook my head wanting nothing at the moment but a shower.

Over dinner that night, Charlie and I sat down with the real estate section of the newspaper, circling a bunch of rental properties in Seattle within my price range. The next few days were going to be busy viewing and applying for these different places and the thought was daunting. I wanted to live alone – never having done so before. I'd gone from living on campus to sharing a house with 5 others in London and I was ready for my own space.

I had my heart set on one place, directly opposite the park and near the water. Charlie and I made an appointment go and see that one first thing in the morning.

We looked at the car section too, seeing as my old truck had given up for good the year after I left home. I circled a small yellow 3-door Hyundai Getz, which was only a few years old, and a very good price. We'd go and have a look at that tomorrow as well.

* * *

**Please review and let me know your thoughts! I promise she will catch up with Jacob soon :)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you for all my lovely reviews. Things will get fluffier I promise, but where would the fun be if I didn't drag the torture out a little? ;) And enter Jacob...

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"_**Never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave."- Winnie the Pooh**_

"This is the last of them," Charlie grunted, dropping the box on the floor and wiping his hand across his forehead. "Three storeys and no elevator. You sure you made the right choice with this place?"

I paused what I was doing and looked out the window, taking in the view of treetops and water I could see from my 3rd floor apartment.

"Yes," I said with a smile. "Definitely." The apartment was very small but it had modern fixtures and appliances. The carpet was new and a fresh coat of paint had been put on the walls a few days before I moved in.

Charlie hitched up his pants and cleared his throat. "Alright Bels, well, I'll leave you to get settled in. Oh and here," he fished around in his pocket and pulled out a business card. "So you can get that whining fixed in your new car."

I took the card from him and raised an eyebrow as I read the company name: _Jake and Jack's Mechanic Repairs_.

"Dad," I started, unsure of whether or not I was being paranoid. He somehow seemed to know what I was thinking and scratched his head uncomfortably.

"Listen Bella, he'll give you a good deal ok? And it's about time you stopped avoiding Jacob Black."

I re-examined the card. "He's in Seattle now?" I asked, surprised he would leave La Push and his pack behind.

"Been up here for a couple years now," Charlie said. "After Rachel moved home to look after Billy, he didn't need to stick around anymore. You know Rach got married to that Paul kid, don't you?"

I nodded, vaguely remembering Charlie telling me this a few years back.

"You shouldn't be driving that car round too much 'til you get it checked. I can let him know you'll be stopping by."

"No!" I cut in quickly. "No, really Dad, that's ok. I'll give them a call."

He shrugged and I knew he was keen to get back home to catch the end of the game on television – not much had changed in that respect.

"I'll be fine, Charlie. You head home. I'll come down to visit soon, ok?"

"Well alright then." He pecked me on the cheek and patted my head awkwardly before he left, closing the door softly behind him.

Butterflies filled my stomach as I realised how alone I suddenly was in this big city. It was only Saturday and I wouldn't be starting my new job until Monday. Although I knew it made sense to use the weekend to unpack, I now wished I'd stayed down in Forks an extra night. The apartment was very quiet.

I looked down again at the card I still held in my hand. What was I so afraid of? I was pretty sure that Jacob had been ok with me leaving – he'd seen that it was the best thing for me and he'd been over the moon when I told him I was leaving Edward. After high school had ended and after Victoria had attacked with her newborn army, I spent a lot of time down in La Push with Jacob as he'd recovered. That was when I'd accepted the offer for London University.

In many ways, Edward had been happy that I was moving on and leaving him behind. We'd begun to grate on each other anyway, and eternity suddenly had seemed like a very long time. Things he did began to irritate me and I'd roll my eyes when he spoke. On the whole, both of us sighed in relief when I decided to leave.

Jacob was naturally upset that I was leaving when he was (and always would be) tied to La Push, but he was so happy that Edward and I were no longer in a relationship, and that I hadn't turned into a zombie again because of the break up, that he didn't seem to mind my going.

Sighing, I went over to my newly purchased kettle and filled it with water before flipping the switch and leaning against the cool kitchen counter as it boiled.

I'd go and see him, I decided. It couldn't hurt, and it would be nice to have a friend in Seattle. If he wanted to be my friend…

ooo

I drove slowly down the street, squinting through the late afternoon drizzle as I tried to read the street numbers. 32…34… There it was. Number 36. The sign that hung over the doorway to an old garage read _Jake and Jack's Mechanic Repairs_.

My stomach squirmed and I suddenly wished I hadn't had that cup of tea before I left home – I needed to pee badly. I indicated and pulled into the driveway, cutting the engine and rummaging for my umbrella before I stepped out of the car.

The inside of the garage was brightly lit and noisy as men worked on a number of cars jacked up high inside the shop. I took another step inside, trying to identify the men under their caps and safety goggles before a small tinkling chime sounded from above the door to the office and a tall man stepped out, glanced at me and then did an almost comical double take.

Jacob hadn't changed much. His black, shiny hair was ever so slightly longer then I remembered and it fell into his deep brown eyes. He was wearing a white singlet and very grubby blue work pants, and was wiping his greasy hands on an old rag. I still had to crane my head to look into his face. He seemed to be staring at me, drinking me in the same way I was with him.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice husky. "What…I mean, when…"

I smiled in spite of myself at his inability to string a sentence together.

"I moved back last week. Charlie gave me your card. I just bought a new car, and…well to be honest, I wanted to see you."

"That's um, that's great," he said, nodding his head. "I'm really glad you came."

_He's older_, I realised. _He's grown up since I've been away_.

"Yeah, me too. It's so good to see you Jake." I looked around at this shop. "I had no idea that you worked as a mechanic."

"Don't just work here actually, I'm part-owner." He glanced past me at my new bright yellow car and winced. "What happened to the truck?"

"Passed away."

"My condolences." He grinned. "You replaced it with _that_ though?"

I didn't like him being rude about my Getz. "It's a happy car, " I shrugged. "The engine's whining though."

"Leave it with me, I'll have a look at it. No charge."

"Jake!" I protested. "Don't be ridiculous of course I'll pay."

"Nah, I still owe you for the parts for my Rabbit. And those bikes." He grinned.

I just rolled my eyes. "I don't want to keep you from work. You guys look busy."

"That's ok. We'll pull your car in and I'll give you a lift home." He looked worried for a second. "Are you living with Charlie again in Forks?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "No way. I'm renting a small apartment just over the bridge. I can get the ferry back though; it's no big deal. "

He just shook his head. "Hey Jack," he called over his shoulder. "I'm just going to drop this customer back home. Bring her car in ok?" He took the car keys from me and chucked them to an older man who was sitting at a desk inside the office. It was strange being referred to as a 'customer' but our relationship status hadn't exactly been addressed yet. Were we friends? Acquaintances?

I followed Jacob outside to a pick up truck that was stencilled with the mechanic's name and logo, and hopped inside, grateful when he cranked up the heating.

"Cold today," he muttered as we pulled down the street.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Glad my new place has central heating."

I couldn't believe we were talking about the weather. Conversation had always flowed so easily between us when I lived in Forks. There had never been an uncomfortable moment between us. We sat in an awkward silence as he drove down the road towards the bridge.

"You know your way around here fairly well," I commented, trying to get conversation going again.

"Been here for a few years now," he said.

"I'm actually just up here on the right." I said, pointing to the block of units I now lived in.

He slowed outside my apartment then stopped, putting the car into park. We both sat in silence for a moment then abruptly he asked, "Do you want to get dinner tonight?"

I looked at him surprised. "Sure," I replied. "That would be great."

"There's a good Thai place on the next corner," he gestured ahead of us. "See you there at seven?"

"Sure!" I said again, still startled by the sudden invitation. "And Jake, thanks for the ride. And for my car."

He smiled at me, and warmth flooded through my body. I leaned over and kissed his cheek then let myself out and dashed through the rain back to my building.

ooo

"Crap," I mumbled, rummaging through the inside of a box, which looked like it had just vomited its contents all over the floor. Clothes were strewn across the bedroom - draped over the bed and the new squashy armchair that stood in one corner. All of the drawers had been pulled out of the armoire and clothes spilled from these as well. "Crap." I repeated.

I checked my watch and then reached for the wine glass, taking a sip before I placed it back on the bedside table. I needed to calm down – my nerves were frayed from the afternoon spent trying to unpack and find something decent to wear for dinner with Jacob that evening. I knew when Karin had been helping me pack my belongings that I would regret not being more organised and I cursed her now. As if reading my mind, my phone suddenly buzzed and 'Karin' flashed on the screen. I answered it and tapped speakerphone.

"Hey Bella!" came the familiar voice, and I could have sworn she was standing next to me, not on the other side of the world.

"Do you have any idea how difficult unpacking is when I am pulling kitchen appliances out of my clothes boxes?"

She laughed and ignored me. "I saw the pictures of your new place you sent me. It looks great!"

I looked around the room then, glad I'd sent those pictures to Renee and my friends before it looked like a bombsite.

"It's quiet though," I replied. "I don't know what to do with all of this space to myself."

"I'll just have to come and visit then," she said.

"You have no idea how much I would love that. I'm supposed to be going out for dinner tonight and desperately need to raid your wardrobe."

"Wear that white top you have with the dark skinny jeans. Oh, unless it's a hot date! Then wear that navy blue dress with your black boots."

"It's not a hot date," I replied, digging through the final box, searching for the white floaty top she had been referring to. "It's just an old family friend – Jacob."

I had forgotten Karin had seen Jacob's Facebook profile and she let out a low whistle. "Are you kidding, Bels? Do you have any idea how hot that kid is? I think this calls for your black dress."

"It certainly doesn't," I said. "Shit, I can't find that top anywhere, and I have to be there in 15 minutes." I spotted my blue dress lying in a pile of clothes near my foot, and remembered that I had carefully put my black boots away in the closet earlier this afternoon when I'd been unpacking in a more organised fashion. "Hang on a sec, I'm just going to get dressed."

"Henry's pining," she said, as I pulled off my clothes and hopped around on one leg trying to get my stockings on. "He was moping around our place the day you left looking incredibly sorry for himself. Has he been in touch?"

I blushed as I remembered the missed calls that I hadn't got around to replying to yet.

"I missed his call," I muttered. "I'll give him a call back later. What are you doing up anyway, isn't it like 3 in the morning there?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Thesis. Due next week. What was I thinking doing Honours?"

"You get back to writing," I told her sternly. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

We both said goodbye and hung up. I checked the time again. Five minutes; I needed to get going. Glancing at the mess on the floor, I decided I could wait until the morning before I attempted to clean it up. I added coat hangers to the mental shopping list I had been compiling in my head all day and finished the last swallow of wine in my glass.

I pulled on my boots and did one last check in the mirror before grabbing my keys and closing the door to my lovely new apartment.

* * *

**Please leave me a review! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** First of all, thank you so much to my reviewers - I love getting feedback, especially when you have all been so lovely. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

**Chapter Three:**

"_**Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life..."**_ – Nel Gaiman

He was already there when I arrived, my coat dripping wet from the never-ending rain pouring down. I shook off the water as best I could and ran my hand through my curls. I'd tried to smooth them down earlier but the moisture in the air had made them uncontrollable yet again.

"I should have picked you up," Jacob said in way of a greeting as he stood to kiss my cheek. "I didn't even think." I noticed how good he looked – he was wearing a white button down shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans. Very different to the days when he'd run around La Push in little more than a pair of shorts. I tried to put the picture of a half-naked Jacob out of my head.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "It wasn't far and I had my umbrella."

He held out a bunch of flowers for me then, looking very embarrassed behind his reddening skin and not quite meeting my eyes.

"Oh thanks Jake," I breathed, smelling the flowers and smiling. I suddenly re-evaluated Karin's words from earlier. This wasn't a date was it? Just a friendly catch-up between old friends, surely.

"The florist said they were called ah-something, but I forgot." He shrugged. "I thought they looked happy, like your car." He paused. "Like you."

I grinned. "Well I love them, so thank you. You know you didn't have to do that."

He ignored this and sat down. "I hope you don't mind, I ordered us drinks," he gestured to two glasses of red already on the table.

I furrowed my brow. "When did you turn 21?"

He laughed, "Over the summer. Although I've never been ID'ed before anyway, so doesn't make much difference."

"You do look old, dude," I teased as I draped my wet coat over the back of my chair and sat down also, placing the flowers gently on the chair beside me.

Jacob raised his glass and we touched them together with a soft clink. "To getting old," he toasted and I laughed, understanding the joke behind this. Jacob would never get any older than he was now.

"Seriously though, Jacob, 21 and co-owner of what appears to be a well-established business. How exactly did you wrangle that one?"

He shrugged but looked a little pleased with himself as he toyed with the stem of his glass. "I started working there when I finished high school. Jack and I got on really well, and he thought I was pretty good around the shop. Jack doesn't really have any family see, so I think I'm kinda his insurance policy. He's getting old and he needs someone to look after the place when he's not feeling up to it. Plus he didn't want anyone offering me a place somewhere else, seeing as I'm pretty good with the cars. It helps when you can lift them with one hand." Although he said it lightly, he frowned at this and took the menu from the waitress with a mutter of thanks.

I wondered about his reaction and noticed that he looked tired and drawn, much older than he had when I'd left for the UK. Was he unhappy?

We sat in silence for a few minutes while contemplating the menu and then ordered: Pad Thai for me, Green Curry for Jacob.

"So what's been happening since I left?" I asked, realising how little I now knew about this boy's life when once I knew everything there was to know about him. "Why aren't you still living at La Push?"

Jacob half shrugged and met my eyes. I felt my stomach squirm and quickly looked away. "After the Cullens left, there wasn't much for the pack to do. All these kids kept transforming and the pack got pretty huge for a while there. We only needed a few patrolling at a time, as there weren't any vamps around, so I decided a change of scenery might be good for me."

"When did the Cullens leave?" I asked quietly.

His brow furrowed again. "Not long after you did. They come back to visit every so often – they always let Sam know when they're coming back though. You aren't in touch with," he hesitated for a second before he said, "them?"

I shook my head. "I email Alice occasionally, but her and Jasper have been travelling a lot over the past few years. She doesn't give me much news about the others."

"And you don't keep in touch with…" he trailed off, his russet skin growing darker as he blushed.

"I don't keep in touch with Edward, no."

We both gazed into each other's eyes for a moment and I suddenly wished that I hadn't lost touch with this boy across from me. I missed him so much and I hadn't even realised.

"Tell me about England," he said, changing the subject suddenly.

We chatted freely through dinner, talking about my time in England, his work as a mechanic, my new job and our dads, never delving into any topic too deep or serious. Once he'd polished off his curry in record time, he eyed the rest of my Pad Thai hungrily until I pushed the plate towards him.

"Only one and a half dishes," I joked. "What's happened to your appetite?"

The waitress brought the check around once we'd finished and Jacob went to pay. "No way," I protested. "This has to be on me – you are fixing my car after all."

"Split it?" he suggested and I shrugged in agreement, remembering how low my funds were after paying two months rent in advance and buying a new car.

Once we were outside, Jacob turned to me rather suddenly. "Do you want to come back to my place?" he asked impulsively. "I could make some coffee. This may sound dumb, but I'm not quite ready yet to say goodbye."

I smiled. "That sounds great. Do you live nearby?"

"Ten minute drive." He led the way to his car and opened the door for me. We drove quietly along the wet roads - the only sound came from the squeaking of the windscreen wipers and the dull roar of the engine. Suddenly I felt really nervous. It almost felt as though electrical sparks were jumping from his skin to mine, and I pulled my raincoat a little tighter around my shoulders.

I hated feeling anxious around Jacob. I wanted our friendship back to normal – back to the way it was when we used to sit in his garage drinking warm soda and laughing. That world felt so far away now.

He parallel parked outside a row of small terraced houses and led the way through the front gate and up the steps.

"This place looks lovely, Jake, do you live here by yourself?" I asked as he opened the door and led us into a small hallway, with a cosy living room through a door off to the left, and a staircase on the right.

"No," he replied, dropping his keys on a small side table and draping his jacket across the banister. "I sublet one of the rooms to Chris, one of the guys at work. We get on really well and he's pretty clean, so it's cool."

I followed Jacob down the hallway and into a small bright kitchen where he filled the kettle and put it on the stove to boil. His place was very clean but a bit sparse. A typical boy's place, I suppose. The walls were painted a warm shade of pale yellow and navy blue curtains hung from the small window above the sink. Another door led off the kitchen and I could just see a small back garden behind the house in the dim light from the moon.

"When did you move in?" I asked him, sitting down at the scrubbed wooden table and crossing my legs as Jacob got out mugs and busied himself making instant coffee.

"I lived above the shop for a couple of months after I finished high school, two years ago. Then Jack helped me find this place. It belongs to his Aunt who's in a nursing home now. She's pretty sick. Jack says when she passes away he'll sell the place to me, but until then I'm renting. Not a bad price either once Chris moved in and paid half the rent. Sugar?"

I realised he was talking about the coffee and shook my head. "Just milk please."

He handed it to me, "Come on, we'll take these through to the living room."

We sat on the sofa in silence for a moment and then I heard Jacob swear quietly under his breath.

I turned to look at him confused.

"What happened to us, Bels?" he asked, gazing intently into my eyes, and I saw sadness within their depths. "I used to know everything about you. I used to _get_ you…well to an extent. I never really got the whole vampire thing. I knew who you were though, but now…" He trailed off and looked away from me, down into his coffee.

"I know what you mean," I mumbled. "We've talked all evening but I still don't understand. I don't understand why you left."

"I don't understand why you left," he shot back, glaring at me now.

I inhaled quickly. "What are you talking about? You know why."

"You didn't come back!" He said, speaking louder now. "Four years, Bella!" He got to his feet and strode over to the window then turned back to face me. "You left and you didn't look back. You didn't even bother to keep in touch!"

"I tried," I insisted, on my feet now as well.

"No you didn't," he interrupted. "What, the odd email once in a blue moon? That wasn't trying. You left Charlie and you left me, the same way Edward once left you."

I flinched at the comparison. "I just wanted some normalcy in my life, Jacob."

"You think I didn't want that too?" He demanded, running a hand through his already dishevelled hair. "You think I wasn't desperate to get away from it all as well?"

"I didn't know," I said lamely. "I didn't realise."

"Because you didn't care." His words stung.

"Please don't say that – of course I cared about you. Of course I did. I still do! I just had to get away. I had to look after myself for awhile, can't you understand that?" I felt tears burn in my eyes as I looked at him.

He watched me for a second then swore and pulled me into a warm hug. Warm but not hot I realised. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to hurt you. But you have to realise how difficult it was over here - seeing pictures of you popping up on my news feed every week, showing me how happy you were. Happy without me." The pain in his eyes was nearly unbearable. "I loved you so much, Bella," he said suddenly, pulling away from our hug and looking at me. "You knew how much I loved you. And when you and Edward split up, I couldn't believe it. I was over the moon, but then you left. You left him behind but you also left me behind and I felt…" he gripped his chest trying to search for words. "I felt like you'd ripped out a part of me and taken it with you." He shook his head sadly. "Oh god, Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm being the biggest dickhead right now. Listen, I was so happy to see you smiling, to hear you talking about your new friends, and to hear that you were loving life. Truly, that did make me happy. I just missed you. I just wanted my Bella back."

"I guess it's too late now?" I asked, hating the tears that were dripping from my eyes.

"What? Hey, no, of course not. You're still Bella, still my best friend. But a lot has changed since you left."

I nodded sadly. I knew that of course. "Did you imprint?"

The question knocked him back a step. "What?" he exclaimed, a half laugh on his face. "No! God no. There was no way I was going to let that happen."

"What do you mean?"

"It's why I left," he said quietly, taking my hand and leading me back to the couch. He kept my hand in his even when we were sitting. "I couldn't stand the thought of having my freewill just taken away from me like that. Everyone around me was imprinting." He smiled sheepishly at me. "Even at the time I knew it was stupid. You'd left, so why not imprint? I had the chance of happiness. But I didn't want to stop loving you. So as soon as I finished high school, I packed my bags and went to work at Jack's. Slowly, my temperature began to fall – a couple of degrees each year. I can't lift the cars with one hand anymore. Oh, and – " he pulled his hand from mine and showed me a long scab across his palm, "I don't heal instantly now. Cut myself last week. Bled like a bitch for a good hour. Jack wanted me to get stitches."

"So you can't turn into a wolf?" I asked him, shocked at this information.

"Well I probably still could," he shrugged. "But the longer you don't transform, the harder it is to do."

"Shit, Jake," I breathed. "You did all of this…Left all of that behind because…because you love me?"

He laughed then. Not cruelly, but it was still difficult to hear. "_Loved_," he emphasised. "Past tense."

I felt as though he had slapped me in the face.

"You left. I had to move on with my life, surely you can understand that?"

"Of course!" I said quickly. I felt as though I was lying. "That's so great. But after you got over me, why didn't you go back? Why didn't you rejoin the pack?"

He looked back down into his coffee mug and shrugged again. His shrugging was beginning to irritate me. "Nothing had really changed – I still didn't want my freewill taken away from me. I still wanted a normal human life."

I grabbed his hand again and squeezed it tight. "Well I'm so glad, Jake. And as much as I hate arguing with you, I'm kinda happy we had this fight. I feel like I know you again now."

He laughed, and it was a light, happy sound. The laugh I remembered. He threw his arm round my shoulders. "I've missed you, Bel."

We finished our coffees and Jacob dropped me back home, promising to see me soon. "Tomorrow?" he asked, his eyes hopeful.

I smiled. "I'll send you a text in the morning."

* * *

**Thank you for reading. So the next five chapters are written - I will wait to get a bit of feedback between each posting though so that I can make any necessary changes. Thanks so much for the reviews! They make me happy!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Thank you so much for all of my wonderful reviews - they really do keep me going! Can't believe you all lost faith in Jacob's love! Silly... :) Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Four **

"_**I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time." – Calvin & Hobbes**_

**Jacob's Point of View**

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket for what felt like the hundredth time this evening as I drove away from Bella, wishing I didn't have to say goodbye to her so soon. I already couldn't wait to see her again tomorrow, and knew that I was straying into dangerous emotional territory. I shouldn't have told her all that – shouldn't have told her just how much her leaving had hurt me. But then again, now she knew and we were back to us - back to Jacob and Bella.

But of course I had lied to her – how was I suppose to stop loving Bella? From the second she walked into the garage this afternoon, she was all I could think about. Her hair, her eyes, her beautiful smile. I was falling all over again and nothing was there to stop me.

My phone buzzed again as I walked up the path to my house and finally I gave in, pulling it out of my pocket to see _Laura_ flash across the screen.

"Shit," I mumbled then swiped my finger across the screen. "Hello?"

"Jacob, where have you been?" she snapped, sounding upset – not a good sign.

"Sorry, went out for dinner. Left my phone at home," I lied, closing the door quietly behind me and making my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

"Well, I really needed you tonight, Jacob. Can I come over?"

My heart sank. "Listen, I'm completely beat. Long day…"

"Jacob!" she interrupted me, and I heard her sob down the line. "Jacob, why are you being so mean? You haven't even asked me what's wrong! And I need you right now."

God, what was my problem? "You're right, honey, I'm sorry. Of course you can come over. What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No I am not okay," she replied crossly then sobbed again. "My grandfather died this evening." She seemed to collapse into a torrent of tears then and her words were no longer discernable.

"Oh shit, Laura, I am so sorry. Do you want me to come get you?"

"No," she mumbled, sniffing. "I'm already on my way. I'll be there in five."

She hung up and I stared guiltily at the phone. What was wrong with me? The last thing I wanted was Laura here tonight, sleeping in my bed. My mind flitted to Bella and I mentally scolded myself. I was not going there. Laura needed me and I was a good guy. I was going to be a good guy if it killed me. And knowing Laura, it just might…

The first time I met Laura was six months ago when she'd brought her pink Mini into the shop. She was small and cute, with blonde hair and big blue eyes and laughed infectiously when I teased her about her car. The adoration in her eyes was difficult to resist, especially from someone who seemed so out of my league. She slipped me her phone number before she walked out of the shop, her hips swaying, and she glanced back over her shoulder with a knowing smile. We got on ok, and what we lacked in conversation, we made up for in the bedroom. We'd been semi-dating for the past few months. Last week she'd sent me a relationship request on Facebook, something that I was still dithering over.

Chris, my housemate, had always made fun of me for not dating. He'd tried to set me up on dates with girls, and I did go out with a few. But after a few months, I always lost interest. Just as I was now doing with Laura.

_Maybe there _was_ something wrong with me_, I wondered for the millionth time. _Maybe by not allowing myself to imprint I'd somehow broken. _

I sighed when I heard the car pull up outside, and quickly pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I knew she'd get suspicious if she saw me all dressed up and I wasn't ready to explain about Bella yet.

Even though my feelings for Laura were less than optimal at the moment, my heart did go out for her when I met her at the front door. Her usually perfect hair was tied into a sloppy ponytail on top of her head and she had tear tracks running down her cheeks.

"Oh sweetie," I whispered, pulling her into my arms and kissing the top of her head. "I'm here, it's ok."

She hiccupped and wiped her nose with her sleeve. "I'm s-sorry," she stammered, trying to get control of herself. "It was j-just so un-unexpected."

I nodded sympathetically and smoothed a hand over her hair before taking her hand and leading her upstairs to the bedroom. She sat on the bed looking dejected, so I sat next to her and wrapped my arm around her again.

"You just go ahead and cry. I've got you." Why did I have to be such a damned nice guy?

"You'll come to the funeral with me, won't you?" She asked, blinking back more tears and gazing at me hopefully.

"Yea, sure," I agreed, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. "Not a problem. Is it this week?"

"Next weekend," she sniffed. "In Portland, Oregon. We can drive together." She seemed to perk up a little, but I felt my stomach sink. That was a two and half hour drive at least.

"Uh, wow. Portland. That's quite far."

She glared at me and snapped. "All my family's from Portland. You know that."

I nodded lamely and patted her awkwardly on the head again.

"I'm going to bed," she sighed, pulling her sweater over her head. I watched her undress, trying to push the thoughts of Bella to the back of my mind. Those were thoughts I could try and figure out another time, when I didn't have a naked, sexy (albeit kind of annoying) blonde in my bedroom.

ooo

**Bella's Point of View**

Buzzzzz.

I groaned and rolled over, burying back under the warm blankets and trying to ignore the vibrations coming from my phone on the nightstand. Unwillingly I cracked open one eye and saw that the sky outside my window was still pitch black. The phone continued to buzz.

"What the hell," I mumbled, freeing one arm from the tangle of blankets and clumsily feeling around on the nightstand for the phone. My fingers brushed the stem of the wine glass, which tipped off and cracked on the wooden floor below. "Oh you've got to be kidding me." I sat up a little straighter in bed, opening my other eye to survey the damage. Luckily the glass had been empty and miraculously it hadn't shattered, merely cracked into two large pieces. I returned to the immediate problem: the incessantly buzzing phone.

"Hello?" I grumbled, my voice hoarse with sleep.

"Bella! It's so good to hear your voice." The familiar accent made me groan inwardly and I flopped back down on the pillows.

"Henry," I said, checking my watch. "It's 5:30 in the morning."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really. We're eight hours behind you.

He laughed. "Oh woops! I thought you were eight hours _ahead_." He laughed again, and when I didn't reply, continued, "Well it's so good to hear you Bella. Did you get my telephone calls? I miss you!"

"Henry, it's 5:30 in the morning."

There was a long pause down the end of the phone line. "Okay well fine. I guess I'll talk to you later then." He sounded offended but I wasn't in the mood.

"I'll talk to you later, Henry. Bye." A click sounded from the end of the line and I knew he was gone. Tossing the phone back onto the nightstand, I rolled back over and tried to return to sleep – I'd been dreaming about something good. Someone's warm, strong hands…

Sleep seemed to be out of my reach, however, so eventually I swung my legs out of bed and carefully picked up the two fragments of glass and plodded into the kitchen, throwing the glass into the bin.

After dinner last night and my intense conversation with Jacob, I'd had no energy to unpack and start putting things away, and now seemed as good a time as ever.

My stereo dock was already out and plugged in so I hurried back into the bedroom and grabbed my phone, flicking through my playlists until I found one that suited my mood then plugged it into my stereo and cranked the volume up. That done, I switched the kettle on and sat down cross legged on the floor next to an overflowing box, pulling out the contents and methodically putting everything into its new place.

By the time the sun rose, my shelves were filled with books and knick knacks, the sofa had two plump cushions and a throw draped over it, and the dining table was decorated with a runner and fruit bowl. Not bad for a morning's work. Seeing the pile of shoes by the front door, I mentally added shoe rack and coat rack to my shopping list.

I was thoroughly sick of unpacking and tidying up by this point and the thought of tackling my bedroom just yet gave me a stomach-ache. Instead, I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and stuffed my feet into my old, worn trainers.

Grabbing my keys, phone and purse, I closed and locked the door behind me, ready to go in search of a coffee.

The streets were quiet as it was so early on a Sunday morning, and the morning air was chilly, although the sky was a brilliant cloudless blue. I jogged a little to get my blood flowing and to warm up until I reached a row of cafés along a tree-lined street. I stepped into the first one, liking the look of its cosy atmosphere and ordered a large non-fat latte and then after a moment's hesitation, a second large coffee. It was still fairly early, but I wanted to see Jacob, and his place was only a few more blocks away.

Walking along the leafy streets, I decided that I liked Seattle. Maybe I could even like it as much as London one day. I wondered if I could live here long-term and my thoughts turned to the new job I would be starting on Monday. My stomach squirmed nervously. The job I'd been offered seemed a long way removed from the shelf-stacking I had done for the past few years at the university library in London.

As I turned the next corner, I was met with the familiar street of terraced houses, and walked along until I found Jacob's. Before opening the gate, I checked the time. 8:00 – that wasn't too early, was it?

I skipped up the steps and pressed the doorbell. Footsteps sounded down the hallway inside and I could make out a large shape approaching the door. My stomach squirmed again, but this time with excitement.

To my surprise, Jacob didn't open the door. Instead, a tall blonde man stood there, toothbrush hanging from his mouth, one eyebrow raised. He had dark grey eyes and his jaw was covered with a few days of stubble. He was shirtless, and I noticed his well-muscled chest also had a sparse covering of hair, which trailed down his stomach to the waistband of his low-slung grey pyjama pants.

My mouth literally fell open. He grinned.

"Can I help you?" he said through the toothpaste.

"J-Jacob," I managed to stammer in reply.

"He's upstairs. Come on in." He held the door a little wider and let me squeeze past him into the hallway. "Who are you by the way?"

I introduced myself and he chuckled lightly to himself. "No way. _The_ Bella Swan, huh?"

I felt irritation fizz under my skin, despite the somewhat stunning effect this boy had. "And you must be Chris."

"I see my reputation precedes me," he said and gave me a wink. Then he turned around and began to walk back down the hallway, leaving me alone at the bottom of the stairs. "Second door to your left." He called over his shoulder and disappeared back into the kitchen. I climbed the stairs.

Jacob's door was closed, so I balanced the two coffees in the one hand and knocked quickly, still a little overwhelmed by the brief meeting with Jacob's housemate.

The door flew open and Jacob's jaw dropped when he saw me standing there. I had a brief glimpse of Jacob in his underwear and a blonde head poking out from under his blankets before the door closed in my face with a snap.

It seemed the surprises were never-ending this morning. I shook my head at my stupidity and hurried back down the stairs, clutching the warm coffees to my chest and trying to ignore the tears burning unreasonably in my eyes. I hurried outside and then paused once I'd closed their front gate behind me. I didn't know where to go now, or what to do with the second coffee going cold in my hand.

_Stupid_, I cursed myself._ How could I have been so stupid? Of course he had a girlfriend, why did this surprise me_?

I began to wander slowly back up the street when I heard a shout from behind me. "Bella, wait! Hey, Bella!"

I turned to see Jacob jogging up the sidewalk towards me and I couldn't help but smile weakly as I noticed him still tugging on a shirt.

"Why did you leave?" he asked, when he'd caught up to me, a frown creasing his forehead.

I blushed. "I didn't want to intrude," I mumbled then held out the coffee. "I just wanted to bring you this and apologise for last night."

"Apologise?" he asked. "What on earth for?"

I shook the proffered coffee at him, but he still didn't take it gazing at me intently.

I rolled my eyes. "I wanted to apologise for the argument…for hurting you."

"Oh Bella," he sighed then took the coffee with a word of thanks. "The last thing you should be doing is apologising. I thought last night was wonderful – getting to see you again; talk to you again."

I blushed but continued to scowl, still feeling like rubbish despite his kind words. I'm sorry I interrupted your morning."

It was Jacob's turn to blush now. '"Well I'm sorry you had to see that…"

"Who is she?" I asked, trying to sound offhand.

"Her name's Laura. Um, her grandfather died last night so she came around for a bit of sympathy."

I raised my eyebrows at him and he grinned sheepishly, taking a long draw on his coffee cup.

"Wow, Jake, if that's what you call sympathy…" I laughed, unable to help myself. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"No!" he answered a little too quickly. "No. Well, I mean, we've been dating for a few months now. We're getting close to splitting up though."

"Right…"

"What was I supposed to do?" he asked me a little desperately as we crossed the road, heading towards the park by the water. "She came over crying and told me her grandfather died! I mean, shit… You can't exactly tell a distraught crying girl that you think it might be a good idea to start seeing other people. Do the whole 'It's not you it's me' thing."

"Yeah but sleeping with her Jake?"

He had the grace to look ashamed. "Okay, it looks bad." We'd reached the water's edge and Jacob leaned against the railings, taking another sip of coffee. "She wants me to drive to Portland with her to the funeral next weekend."

"You're whipped dude."

* * *

**Please take a moment and leave me a review! Thanks!  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks so much to all of my wonderful reviewers. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Five**:

Jacob brought my car back at around mid-morning, and I gave Angela a phone call, seeing if she would be up for a visitor.

"Oh, Bella, I would love to see you!" She enthused brightly. "Are you sure it's not too much of a drive though?"

"Of course not!" I laughed. "I have a new CD to listen to in my car and it's been a while since I've visited Port Angeles."

"Well then, I'll have lunch ready for you when you arrive."

The drive was longer than I had remembered and by the time I pulled up in Angela's driveway I was starting to think it probably would have been a better use of my time to stay home and organise my cluttered bedroom. This thought vanished as soon as Angela opened her front door and beamed at me, waving enthusiastically. I got out and crunched up her gravel driveway as she ran down her front porch steps and gave me a tight hug.

"Four years, Bella!" she exclaimed. "Gosh, it's been awhile. You look amazing!"

"So do you!" I replied honestly, holding her at arm's length and taking her in. She was about four months pregnant and her bump could just be visible under her floaty floral-printed dress. "How are you enjoying married life?"

She blushed and smiled sweetly. "Loving it," she admitted. "Ben has to be the sweetest husband. And ever since we fell pregnant, he hasn't let me lift a finger. Come in, come in!"

Her house was small but very cosy and smelled delicious. I walked through the dark hallway into a brightly lit kitchen. Angela busied herself pulling dishes out of the oven, and getting out plates. I helped her set the table. She'd cooked a pasta bake for lunch with a side of salad and warm crusty bread. As we sat down at the kitchen table a small cocker spaniel bounded up to me, trying to lick every part he could reach.

"Get down, Crisps!" Ben scolded as he walked into the kitchen. "Bella! How are you?"

I laughed and stood to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm wonderful. Crisps?" I asked, leaning down to pat the wiggling dog, who ignored his instructions and leapt up onto me again.

"Angela named him _Crispin_ after some actor…"

I grinned at her, and together we both said, "Mr Bingley," laughing at the inside joke. "It's a Pride and Prejudice thing." I explained to Ben.

"Well, whomever he's named after, he now only responds to _Crisps_ and even then he doesn't do as he's told."

Ben shut Crisps out of the kitchen then the three of us sat down to enjoy lunch. It was wonderful. Angela told me all about her new 3rd grade class and the beginning of the school year, and how much she loved being an elementary school teacher. Ben tried to explain what he did for work, but all I understood was that he had something to do with logistics. Angela gave me a 'don't even try to understand this' look as he talked deeply about supply chains and resultant efficiencies.

The afternoon passed too quickly for my liking. Once we had cleaned up after lunch, Angela and I took the dog for a walk and I told her all about Henry and Jacob and how confused I was feeling about everything.

"Do you think you'll see Edward now that you're back?"

"I don't know. Is he around much?"

Angela shrugged. "I know they come back to Forks every so often. Alice and I keep in touch. We catch up fairly regularly." I remembered seeing that Alice had been a bridesmaid at Angela and Ben's wedding.

"One of the reasons I left was because of him," I admitted. "I'm not sure if I want to see him again. I'm worried all of those feelings will come back again if I do."

"I don't think so," Angela said thoughtfully, watching her dog jump crazily into the air after a fly. "You're so different now. You're more sure of yourself and determined. Less pessimistic too."

I smiled wryly. "I used to be a bit of a downer, didn't I?"

Angela laughed. "Well I loved you anyway. But it _is_ nice to see you so happy. Come on, we'd better head back if you want to get back to Seattle before dark."

The drive back passed quickly as my mind raced. Was I strong enough to see Edward again without falling apart? Leaving him had been one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. And I still remembered every word vividly as though I had said them yesterday.

_I'd been standing opposite him in my bedroom, my hands balled into angry fists. In that instant I hated him. I hated myself for being with him and I wanted him out of my life. I'd taken a deep breath and let it out shakily. He was still standing there calmly, his arms crossed, smiling mockingly at me as if I was a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. _

_Then suddenly I calmed down. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted out of life, and I knew he wasn't it._

_"Edward," I'd began, surprised that my voice was steady and calm as a torrent of emotions swept over me. "When I'm with you, I feel like the best part of me is you. I feel like the most I have going for me is the fact that I'm with you." I shook my head as he tried to speak. "But I know that isn't true, and it's taken me a long time to discover that for myself. I love you Edward, but when you left last year, I had to make a life for myself and since you've been back…Well, I don't want to give that life up. You're making me choose, and I can't make that choice. I can't give up Charlie or Jacob or any of my other friends. They were there for me when you weren't. They put back together what you broke."_

I shook my head, bringing myself out of the daydream and focused on the road in front of me. I had hurt him so badly that night but an overwhelming sense of freedom had washed over me at the same time. I left for London the next week.

Could I bear to see him again now? I wasn't even sure if it was an option – sure I was back in Washington but I had no idea where in the world _he_ was. What difference did me moving back actually make? I sighed and cranked up the music, trying to drown out any more thoughts of Edward as I belted out the words I knew and made up the ones I didn't.

When I got home, a large bunch of brightly coloured flowers stood outside my front door. They had obviously been delivered while I was out. I grinned, thinking of Jacob's apologetic face this morning and picked them up, eager to see what he had written in the small card nestled between the leaves.

"_For my sweetheart Bella,_

_I wish you the best of luck at your new job tomorrow. You will be wonderful. I am so sorry for waking you this morning._

_All my love,_

_Henry xx_"

I scowled, feeling the heat rising in my face as I realised how stupid I'd been. Of course they weren't from Jacob – he'd buy flowers for his _girlfriend_, not for me.

_But_,said a sly voice in the back of my head_, he _did_ buy you flowers last night. _

I slammed my key in the lock with slightly more force than was necessary and opened the door, depositing my bag on the floor and filling a vase with water. They were beautiful flowers and I knew I should at least send Henry an email thanking him. I was just so cross with myself for thinking that Jacob may have sent them.

Up to this point I hadn't let myself stop and examine my feelings for Jacob, knowing that I wouldn't like what I found when I finally did. Dr Kopner would have disapproved of this strategy.

"Avoidance," she would have said in her dry, soft voice.

I sighed and rummaged through my kitchen drawers searching for the pair of scissors that I had bought during the week. Eventually I found them and cut the ribbons and paper from the bouquet.

Jacob. My tummy squirmed just thinking his name. I realised suddenly that I felt the same way I always had about him. It was quite simple really.

I loved him.

This revelation made me catch my breath. There was something different this time though. Something new. Something I hadn't felt before when we were teenagers. And then I realised what it was. I wasn't in love with Edward this time. Back then the only desire I had felt was for Edward – for his perfect face, body… But now it was all for Jacob.

As I carefully placed each stem into the vase, I let my mind drift to the small glimpse I'd had of him this morning – the beautiful smooth skin, the well-toned and muscular chest, his underwear…

Then the image of that blonde head intruded my daydreams and I scowled. What was I playing at? He'd told me about how much I'd hurt him. He'd even said that he didn't love me any more. I'd missed my chance, so what was the point of going down that road now?

No, I thought decidedly. I wasn't going to let myself have these feelings. Jacob was my best friend, and I'd only just got him back. There was no way I was going to lose him again.

I sighed loudly, and placed the vase of flowers on the coffee table, standing back to admire my work. I'd never make it as a flower arranger, but they looked okay.

I shook my head, then strolled into the bedroom, ready to tackle the mess that I found there and choose an outfit to wear to work the next day.

**Jacob's POV**

I woke up early for work on Monday morning, glad that Laura had chosen to sleep at her place last night. I pulled myself out of bed and threw on my scrappy stained work clothes, and scrutinized my reflection in the mirror. I could really do with a shave, I thought and scratched the bristles on my chin. I shrugged, a bad habit I'd picked up from the other guys at work and tugged on my boots before heading downstairs.

Chris was already in the kitchen when I arrived, sculling juice straight from the carton.

"Dude," I complained, shoving him aside as I grabbed the milk and poured myself a mountainous bowl of cereal. Man I was hungry.

"Met that Bella chick yesterday," Chris said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and putting the carton back in the fridge. "Talk about hot."

"Back off," I growled, trying to focus on my cereal instead of my idiot housemate.

"Hey, I never said she was my type." He grinned and leaned against the counter, surveying me with his cool grey eyes. "She seems like yours though."

"Well, she's not, ok?" I lied. "Just leave it alone."

Chris winced. "Friend-zoned?"

"Give it a rest," I sighed feeling myself get annoyed. I looked down at my hands, glad to see they weren't shaking. They hadn't done so in over a year now, but it felt nice knowing that I had control of my body at last. I stood and put my dish in the sink.

"Fine. New subject." He pushed himself off the counter and followed me out of the kitchen.

"If your new subject's got anything to do with Bella, you're driving _yourself_ to work."

He laughed and hopped into the Rabbit. "I said _new_ subject didn't I? I want to know what's happening with little Laura."

"What do you mean?" I asked bluntly, pulling out into the morning traffic as we set off for the garage.

"Well, are you guys dating or what?"

"Not exactly," I muttered through my teeth. Then I sighed miserably. "I want to break up with her."

"Why?"

Because Bella's back, I thought. Because the only girl I want to be with is her. Because when I see her I want to wrap her up in my arms and never let go.

I didn't say any of this just shrugged and said, "She's kinda annoying."

"Yeah, I picked up on that," he replied dryly.

"It's complicated ok?" I said, sighing inwardly with relief as the garage came into view. "We need to get the Mercedes finished today," I said, changing the subject. "You ok to work on it this morning?"

Before I got out of the car, I pulled out my phone. Hesitating for less than a second, I typed a quick message to Bella.

_Hope you have a great first day. Let's meet for drinks after, ok? You can tell me all about it._

* * *

**Please leave me a review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Thanks everyone for your lovely feedback!

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

**Bella's POV:**

I glanced into the mirror for the millionth time this morning and smoothed my hair unnecessarily. The thick waves were pulled back into a thick, neat bun at the back of my head. Under the thin layer of makeup on my face, I noticed that I was pale and scared-looking.

_Pull yourself together_, I thought to myself crossly. _You've faced blood-thirsty vampires before, a new job should be a piece of cake. _

The weather today was supposed to be warm and sunny, so I was wearing a black skirt and light blue fitted top with a pair of navy blue peep-toed pumps that I had bought impulsively last year and were now my favourite and comfiest work shoes. I suddenly realised that I'd planned to walk the half-hour route to work this morning and I kicked off my shoes, slipping my feet into my comfy sneakers instead and put my heels into my bag. I'd change before I went in to the library.

I'd even packed myself a small lunch and was feeling thoroughly impressed with my organisation. I was still 10 minutes early, but there was no point putting off leaving any longer. I could stop off and get a coffee along the way.

My phone beeped as I was locking up and I pulled it out to see a message from Jacob. I smiled and typed in a reply.

_I'd love to. Meet you at 5:30? There's a Starbucks across the road from the library._

I stopped in the same coffee shop that I'd visited yesterday, and the barista nodded at me in recognition.

"Cappucino?" he asked.

"Uh, no actually. It was a large non-fat latte."

He nodded his head. "Give me a coupl'a days, love, and I'll remember. Memory's not what it used to be."

I grinned shyly. He seemed to be a sweet old man.

When I paid and he handed me the coffee, I noticed the small marshmallow he'd left on the lid. I smiled.

It took 20 minutes to walk to the library, and when I arrived the huge glass building towered before me ominously. I'd looked up the building online, but the photos hadn't quite prepared me for the intimidating sight I now faced. Stealing myself, I walked up the sidewalk and pushed open the heavy glass doors. A large front desk was situated to my right and an old lady was sitting there, focused on the computer in front of her.

"Excuse me" I interrupted her. "My name's Bella Swan. I'm here to see Marcus – I'm starting my new position here today."

Her old, craggy face broke into a toothy smile. "Oh, Bella, honey! Yes yes, Marcus told me you'd be arriving. I'll show you to the staff room – he should be there – he never actually starts working until 9 on the dot. Says it's a principle, whatever that means."

She was a sweet old dear, chatting amicably as we walked through the high-ceiling-ed spacious foyer towards a set of elevators. We rode up to the 5th floor and she led me down a narrower hallway until we found the staff room. It was small and cosy, crammed with sofas and tables and had a full kitchen against one wall.

A middle-aged man in baggy chinos and a rather horrible mustard yellow sweater vest was dunking a tea-bag into a mug of hot water. He turned to face us when the old lady introduced me. I realised ashamedly that I didn't know her name yet.

"Bella, Bella!" He cried, pumping my hand furiously and smiling. His face was ruddy but his eyes twinkled kindly. "Thanks, Eliza," he said, dismissing the receptionist. "Well now, you found the place ok?"

"It was hard to miss," I admitted with a smile.

He barked with laughter. "Oh, Bella, Bella. Come! Let's go for a tour."

The library was huge – almost three times the size of the University library I'd been working at in London. As we walked through the levels and sections, Marcus took me through the procedures and introduced me to staff members we met along the way.

When we reached the brightly decorated children's section, he introduced me to the resident librarian. "Melissa is the Director of Children's Literature," Marcus explained. "You two will collaborate over guest visitors and speakers. Mel gets a lot of children's authors in to do readings but often they will be happy to run seminars as well."

"Right," I said.

Mel, who was small, round and extremely pretty, smiled at me. She looked about my age and had long red hair that fell in waves down her back. "I hope Marcus hasn't been scaring you," she scolded and Marcus let out his now familiar bark of laughter. "We have a really friendly staff here, and we all help each other out."

"Mel is a whiz with the computer systems, so she's the one to go to if you need any help."

"Thanks," I said gratefully, knowing I would soon have a million and one questions.

"Not a problem. I also know where the best coffee shops are and the quietest places in the library if you feel like a nap." She smiled and winked. Marcus barked again.

The tension in my body, which had been so extreme this morning, was beginning to fade. The butterflies in my stomach were also less intense. All of the staff I had met so far seemed friendly and relaxed and I knew they would be supportive if I needed help with anything.

We left the Children's Literature section and Marcus took me to see my new office and go through my responsibilities and contract. As we walked up to my office door, I smiled to see my name already printed onto the metal slider on the wall.

_Bella Swan_

_Library Quality and Planning Manager_

The office was small, but very bright due to the floor to ceiling window that made up one wall. I had a beautiful view of the water and could see the ferries making their slow crossings. A sturdy desk stood against one wall, bookshelves and filing cabinets against the opposite.

"Bit sparse," Marcus said. "Ben didn't leave much behind – we'll get you a pot plant."

"It's wonderful," I replied honestly. I hadn't been expecting my own office space – maybe a cubicle, but not this.

We sat in the two comfy armchairs with our backs to the window as we went through my contract. I was in charge of organising guest speakers and lecturers. "You'll need to be in touch with Susan, our Business Manager and head of Marketing who'll help you advertise these events. All the calendars and bookings are on our intranet – I'll show you that in a minute. Your busiest time of year will be around stocktake – luckily Ben handled that a few months ago before he left. You'll have a budget for purchasing, but your team will let you know of stock requirements."

"I have a team?"

Marcus barked a laugh. "Of course you have a team! This is a pretty big library, Bella, each department has their own stock needs which they'll generally take care of themselves. You are in charge of quality, so that involves a bit of research, a bit of reading. Ultimate decisions lie with me of course, and then I'll send requests through to purchasing."

My head was spinning, and I hoped I'd learn quickly.

"Most of the time, you'll be organising for authors and guest speakers to visit. Again – research and reading."

"Well, I love to read," I told him honestly.

"Good, good. If we're understaffed we'll occasionally have you doing more menial jobs, but for the most part you won't be in the stacks much."

I remembered my last job in a library, where I had spent days without a glimpse of sunlight, burrowed away in the never-ending dusty stacks. "Thank goodness," I said with a smile.

We moved on to the subject of contract and pay and I had to fill in a lot of forms and sign all sorts of documents. Before I knew it, lunchtime had arrived and the pretty Children's Literature Director, Mel was knocking on my open door.

"Want to go get some lunch?" she asked. I remembered the brown paper bag with sandwich and apple that I had been so proud of that morning. Making new friends was more important though, so I agreed and grabbed my purse and cardigan.

"We'll go through computer systems when you get back!" Marcus called after us as we left.

"It'll be nice having a fresh face around," Mel said as we left the library and walked out into the bright sunlight. "We have lots of volunteers coming and going but the main staff hasn't changed much in the last few years I've been there. They guy before you, Ben, was about 80. He finally retired. Marcus is over the moon about getting someone new in – Ben was very old school." Mel was very friendly and chatty and I warmed to her quickly.

"I've got so much to learn," I admitted as we approached a small coffee cart in the park. The wafting smell of toasting baguettes made my stomach grumble. "I'm not sure how qualified I am for this job."

"Don't be silly!" Mel laughed. "You'll do just fine. The hardest part is learning the computer systems and accessing the database. Ben used to run through the same old authors to present here – he had them on a bi-yearly cycle and all their details are in the database. But there are so many new and up and coming authors willing to come in. All the publishing houses details are there too – it's just learning how to use the computer system and doing a bit of quality research, that's all. At least you won't be dealing with school groups. I really enjoy my job – especially running Quality Literature Programming Workshops with teachers, but reading to a group of 90 or so 11 year olds? Those days just about kill me." She only stopped chatting when it was our turn to order and I could feel a kind of warmth building inside me as I realised that I had already had a friend at the library.

The afternoon was spent exploring the library intranet and database. Ben, my predecessor, had already booked visitors to the library for the next two months. I made my first phone call to a publishing house and they organised to post me some pre-release samples from new authors who would be, in their words, "delighted" to give seminars at the Seattle Public Library.

By the time 4 o'clock rolled around, I was pleased with my productive afternoon. Marcus poked his head around my open door.

"Go home," he instructed me. "If you ever have the opportunity to leave here by four, take it! There will be plenty of evenings around stock-take where you will be pulling all-nighters."

"Thanks," I said, glad for the early mark.

"How have you enjoyed your first day?"

"I loved it," I replied honestly. "I'm really enjoying my work here."

Marcus nodded. "I'm glad. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help out. Oh and here," he held out a light blue paper back novel to me. "Mel asked me to bring this up. New teen fiction – she wants to get this guy in."

I took the book from him and glanced at the title, _Wonder_. "Thanks. When do I need to read it by?"

Marcus shrugged. "Don't matter really. Take your time. You'll have lots of books coming in and out. Read the ones you want. I know Ben used to just look up reviews when he didn't have time to read them. That'll do – get a real-world perspective. If you're meeting the author though, helps to know their work."

"Right," I said, about to put the novel in my bag then hesitated. "Oh am I allowed to take it home?"

"'Course you are!" he barked. "It's yours. Any books you're done with or don't wanna keep, just send to the librarian's centre where it will be accessioned and put on the shelves."

I was too early to meet Jacob, but there wasn't much point heading home only to come back in. The sky had clouded over a little and I didn't want to sit in the park with my new book if it was going to rain. Instead, I made my way across the road to Starbucks.

"Hey, Bella! Wait a second!" I turned to see Mel hurrying across the road after me. "You heading home?"

"I'm meeting a friend at 5:30. I thought I'd hang out and read until then."

"I had 70 middle school-ers in today, and could seriously do with a glass of wine. Want to join me?"

I agreed happily and we walked together to a local wine bar a few doors down from the Starbucks.

"So how are you liking Seattle?" she asked once we'd sat down at a table outdoors, where we could watch the people walking by.

'So far I'm loving it," I admitted. "It reminds me a little of London – the little cafes and how it's so easy to walk around everywhere."

"You lived in London?" We talked for a while about my time overseas and she told me about her life. She'd grown up in Oklahoma and had come to Seattle for college. She'd been living with her long-term boyfriend for the past few years, but they'd broken up last year and she was still adjusting to single life. "It's strange," she said, sipping her cold glass of chardonnay. "I know we wanted different things out of life, and we were very different people but I still miss him a lot."

I told her about Edward and how I'd practically fled the country when we broke up. Then, without meaning to, I told her all about Jacob as well. She was just too easy to talk to.

"So, he was in love with you?" she asked.

"Yea, I guess. But we were just kids then. He's two years younger than me after all."

"Still, love is love. You sure he doesn't feel the same way now?"

"No," I sighed. "He told me the other night that he doesn't love me like that anymore. And besides, he's kinda got a girlfriend."

Mel raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean 'kinda'?"

"I think he wants to break up with her."

"I dunno, Bella, if someone wants to break up with someone, then they do." She looked miserable as she said this.

"Mel? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled then she shook her head. "If I tell you, you're going to judge me so badly."

"No I won't!" I promised not understanding what had suddenly upset her.

"I'm kind of seeing someone. Except…" she cringed. "God, this sounds so bad. The thing is, this guy is kinda… well… he's married."

"Oh, Mel!" I exclaimed. She was one of my only friends in Seattle and I didn't want to upset her, but married? I couldn't approve of that.

"I know!" she wailed. "It's terrible. I met him at the library – he's an academic at the university and was always around. When we started dating he didn't tell me, and it was only later I found out about her. He's really miserable in his marriage though. He says he's going to leave her…"

"Oh, Mel," I whispered again and rubbed her arm sympathetically. She looked so dejected.

"I wish I could just leave him, but I can't just switch off my feelings. It doesn't work that way."

"I know," I sympathised. "But what kind of future do you two have? How long have you been seeing him anyway?"

"A couple of months now. I think I'm falling in love with him."

There was nothing I could say. She was still such a new friend I couldn't tell her off, as I would have done with Karin.

Before I knew it, 5:30 had arrived and I had to hurry off to meet Jacob. My heart beat faster as I walked into the Starbucks and saw him sitting at a booth, playing on his phone, a light frown creasing his forehead. He must have gone home, showered and changed before he arrived, because he was wearing a clean grey t-shirt and the same pair of jeans he'd been wearing on Saturday night. His hair was still slightly damp and I noticed the skin on his face was smooth and freshly shaven. I desperately wanted to run my fingers over his soft skin and had to shake myself.

_Pull yourself together, Bella_, _I_ thought. _He's your friend, nothing more_.

It's difficult; lying to yourself.

* * *

**Please leave me a review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **First of all, thank so much to my lovely reviewers last chapter: dottyanne, wolfhappiness and cloudshadow22 - your feedback means a lot to me! Very long chapter ahead and probably one of my favourites so far (although it gets pretty fluffy next chapter too...) Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Seven:**

I couldn't believe how quickly the week passed. I fell into a comfortable routine. The coffee place on the way to work now recognised me as a regular, and they had my non-fat latte ready for me each day. My days were busy, either on the phone or computer organising visitors or liaising with the different departments. I ate lunch with Mel – either packed lunches in the staffroom or a toasted baguette in the park. Then the evenings I would spend curled up in my armchair with one of the many books I'd brought home, a pack of post-it notes and pen ready in my hand to jot down any notes as I read.

Before I knew it, Friday had rolled around and I had somehow survived my first week.

After living off of canned soup or egg on toast for dinners all week, I decided it was definitely time for some veggies and therefore a trip to my local supermarket. Once I got home from work, I quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then picked up my car and drove to the grocery store. I'd written a long list, and planned to spend the next hour here, trying to find everything.

The shop I went to was only a few blocks away and it was big and very busy. I grabbed a trolley and picked up fruit as I walked through the fresh produce aisles. As I stood contemplating the rather wilted looking carrots, I caught the eye of a man standing across from me. He was tall, thin and angular, with well-defined cheek bones and hair the colour of straw. Behind his glasses, his eyes were an unusual pale green. He reminded me of an older looking Henry.

"I wouldn't bother if I were you," he said in a pleasant, rich voice.

I raised my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

He blushed. "I'm sorry, I meant the carrots. I wouldn't bother _with the carrots_ if I were you."

"Oh," I replied, startled by his rather peculiar advice.

"Um, do you normally buy your fresh fruit and vegetables here?" he asked, his cheeks still pink as he bagged a few potatoes.

"I don't really know," I said truthfully, thinking what a strange conversation we were having. "I've only just moved here and I'm still trying to figure that out."

He gave me a shy smile. "Well then, if you don't mind the advice, I would buy your fresh produce at the green grocers opposite. Their stuff is fresher and usually cheaper."

I wasn't sure why he was telling me all of this. "Okay, well um…thank you."

He nodded and looked as though he was stealing himself for something. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at his." He scratched his nose awkwardly. "It's not everyday you meet a beautiful woman at the supermarket."

It was my turn to blush now. "Oh, um, thank you," I said haltingly, feeling as though I both wanted to run in the opposite direction and keep talking to him at the same time.

"Anyway, I'd best let you keep shopping. Maybe I'll see you around here again." And with that, he wheeled his trolley away.

_What an unusual encounter_, I thought to myself. He'd been fairly attractive in an older, geeky kind of way, but certainly not my type.

Feeling a little unsettled, I continued my shopping and it did take me nearly an hour to find everything on my list. I was planning on making a beef and vegetable stew for dinner, and was preparing to watch some trashy TV as I cooked, when I suddenly realised that I didn't want to spend the night at home by myself. I hesitated for only a split second, before I pulled out my phone and hit Jacob's number.

It only rang once before Jacob picked up. "Hey Bella!" Came his bright voice from the end of the line. "What's up?"

"Hey Jake," I replied. "I was thinking of making stew tonight for dinner, do you want to come over?"

"Sounds awesome," he gushed enthusiastically. "Want me to bring anything?"

"Nope," I replied. "Just bring yourself. Maybe a couple of movies if you have anything good."

What was I getting myself into, I wondered as I unpacked the trolley at the checkout. Right after Edward had left me, I'd become totally dependent on Jacob. Was that happening again now? Was I relying on him for my happiness?

I remembered Dr Kopner's words from one of our early sessions. "You were in a co-dependent relationship," she'd explained in her soft, calming voice. "When Edward left, you transferred those emotions to Jacob. You had no emotional independence and relied on others for self-gratification."

I frowned at the memory. She'd been completely right of course – I'd never learnt to be completely content by myself and it was a skill I had to teach myself in the UK.

Then I started seeing Henry, and Dr Kopner had disapproved yet again. "It's not a balanced relationship, Bella," she'd told me, x-raying me over her glasses. "Your defences are so high - you are afraid of letting him get too close to you. You're afraid that he will hurt you."

"I don't want to lose my independence again," I admitted. "I never want to rely on another person for my own happiness ever again."

"But in a real relationship, there has to be some degree of trust between partners."

I'd shrugged. "I'm not ready for that yet."

I'd become so fiercely independent when I was living in London, and Dr Kopner had of course been right. In many ways, my relationship with Henry had been incredibly selfish. I never compromised when I was with him, seeing it as a sign of weakness – a sign of co-dependence.

So was I now slipping back into the old routines? In order to answer that question, I had to study my feelings closely, and couldn't be bothered at the moment. Instead, I sighed, earning a strange look from the cashier, paid for my groceries and headed home.

I was grateful to see that Jacob was already waiting for me when I arrived back at my apartment and he helped me carry the paper bags upstairs.

"Can I help you cook?" he asked as I unpacked the bags and put things away.

"You can chop the onions," I replied, chucking a large brown onion at him.

We made dinner together, chatting about our week and reminiscing about our youthful days spent in Jacob's garage. I enjoyed his company, but every time we accidentally brushed against each other in the small kitchen, I felt my skin come out in goosebumps.

With the stew simmering happily away on the stovetop, I turned to see Jacob gazing at me across the island counter, a burning look in his eyes. Quickly, he looked down at the cup of tea he held in his hands.

"You're so different now, Bella," he said quietly, composing himself before he looked up again.

"What do you mean?" I asked, instantly worried that I had changed too much – that I wasn't the same girl that he had once loved.

"You've just grown up," he explained. "Before you left, you were Bella, but almost like a watered down version. You'd hide behind Edward, or your sadness or something. You were so… you let _him_ make all the decisions for you."

A felt a lump rise in my throat but didn't say anything. The picture he was painting of me wasn't attractive.

"But now it's like I've got my Bella back – but not the diluted version this time. Now I've got the proper concentrated Bella – the real thing."

"I don't know what you're saying," I hesitated.

"I'm just saying that you grew up with a vengeance. And I think this you is… well I think it's amazing."

I felt a deep heat rush up through my neck and spread across my face. Damn my fair complexion.

"I wasn't expecting England to change you so much. I thought maybe you'd come back with a different accent, not a different _you_."

I shook my head. "I haven't changed that much," I tried to convince him. "I just drink an awful lot more tea now."

He smiled at this but shook his head all the same. "No, Bella. You _have_ changed. And you should be proud of yourself."

When dinner was ready, we sat in front of the television with our bowls and stuck in one of the movies Jacob had brought. It was an action superhero movie and we both laughed a lot as we watched it. The next movie, which I'm slightly ashamed to say I chose myself, was much soppier. It starred beautiful famous actors and involved an awful lot of kissing in the rain. Every time the on-screen couple locked lips, I felt sparks of electricity jumping between Jacob and myself.

I was sitting cross-legged on the sofa and could feel Jacob's warm skin pressed against my knee. His arm was thrown casually across the back of the couch and I sat there, ignoring the moving images on the screen, silently wishing that he would curl that arm down and around me, pull me into his warm body. A strange aching sensation was building in my lower abdomen and I blushed to realise what it was – what it meant.

I wanted him.

"I should get going," Jacob groaned and I felt my insides sink. Why was he leaving so soon? Oh God, had I been that obvious? I felt my face flush in embarrassment.

"I don't want to," he clarified. "But I've got to get up early and drive to Portland with Laura for that funeral."

"Oh right," I mumbled, looking at my hands and hating myself for the sudden urge to cry. "I'd forgotten." That was a lie.

"Man, I don't want to go," he stood and stretched his arms above his head. I tried hard not to look at the bare expanse of skin that was revealed between his shirt and jeans. "Can I help you clean up anything else?"

"No, I think we did a pretty good job. I'll just chuck these bowls in the dishwasher then I think we're done."

I walked him to the door and we stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Well, I know that 'have fun' isn't the right sentiment for tomorrow, but I hope it all goes ok."

"Thanks, Bella." He reached out and pulled me into a warm hug. I hesitated for a second before I wrapped my arms around him as well, enjoying the feeling of is firm body pressed against my own. I hated myself for having these feelings when he'd made it so abundantly clear how much I'd hurt him, and that he wasn't in love with me anymore.

Once he'd gone, I gave the kitchen a last wipe down then grabbed one of my new books and headed off to bed.

**Jacob's POV**

I cursed softly as Bella's apartment door closed behind me. I could still feel her warmth on me. I could still feel her small body wrapped tightly in my arms. I could still feel her hands on my back.

I shook myself and jogged down the stairs. I'd had a message while I'd been at Bella's and I pulled my phone out now to look at it. Of course, it was from Laura.

"_Can I come over tonight?"_

I glared at the phone. Why was I stuck in this impossible position? Why was I leaving Bella, _my Bella_, to go and spend the weekend with some girl I didn't even particularly like?

Angrily I typed a message back. _"Busy with Chris tonight – I'll pick you up in the morning at 7. See you then"_

It was unfriendly and I was sure I would pay for it the whole way to Oregon in the morning, but for the moment I didn't care. Slowly I made my way home, trying to keep my mind busy with work and cars, but it kept slipping back to _her_- to Bella. The way her hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back in long soft curls. The way she smiled and how her eyes lit up when she looked at me. Was it possible she was experiencing the same feelings I was?

I hated myself for thinking it as soon as I did. Hadn't I been through all this before? Hadn't I thought that she had loved me once, only to realise that she never would or never _could_ love me the way I wanted.

But still, when we'd been sitting on the couch…surely she had felt the tension between us as well; it couldn't have all been in my head.

I wanted her so badly, but I wasn't going to put myself out there this time. I'd told her my feelings before and been shot down. Christ, the first time I tried to kiss her, hadn't she punched me in the face? No, this time, I would wait until she came to me. I wouldn't put myself out there again.

I went to bed frustrated and in a bad mood, and didn't sleep well.

My alarm went off, loud and annoying the following morning. I wanted to turn it off and just go back to sleep, but with an approaching feeling of dread I remembered the day's plans and dragged myself up.

I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt for the drive to Portland, then rummaged around in my closet until I found my suit. It was a little wrinkled, but I couldn't be bothered to find the iron, so it would have to do.

After I'd dumped everything in the Rabbit, I checked the time. I had 10 minutes until I was supposed to pick Laura up. I ran back inside and filled two thermoses with steaming hot coffee and then made my way round to Laura's place.

Her greeting was a little frosty, and I wasn't sure if that was because of my lousy treatment of her recently or if she was just upset about her grandfather and the funeral. Hoping for the latter, I cranked up the radio and hit the road.

After an hour of driving, with little conversation, I suddenly realised that I was starving. I hadn't made time for breakfast. We were approaching a rest area, and I indicated to turn off the road.

"What are you doing?" Laura snapped at me.

"Hungry," I said in way of an explanation. "We won't stop long, but I need to get something to eat."

She just clicked her tongue and folded her arms tighter across her chest. I sighed.

The café at the rest stop looked a bit dodgy but I was too hungry to really care. I ordered a full cooked breakfast and after some coaxing, Laura got a muffin. My mind flicked to Bella and her second-helpings of stew the previous night. It had been nice being around a girl who actually ate for a change.

The food was pretty greasy and gross and Laura sat watching me with a grimace permanently planted on her face. Her hair was smooth and in place once again and her make-up was expertly done. She'd lost the vulnerability she had the other night.

"Can we go now?" she demanded as soon as I finished my last mouthful and before I'd had time to even swallow.

I put my knife and fork down and made myself count to 5 before I spoke. I couldn't snap at her today, of all days. "Laura, we're still really early, okay? The funeral isn't until two o'clock and we'll be there by 10 at the very latest. Calm down, honey, ok?"

She glared at me and stood up. "Just get in the car, Jacob."

I rolled my eyes and left the café with her. We drove the rest of the way in a stony silence.

When we pulled up to her parents' house, I stopped her from getting out of the car.

"Come on, Laura. You have to tell me what's wrong. I'm not a mind reader, okay?"

She sat there in silence for a full minute before she finally muttered, "You still haven't accepted my relationship request on Facebook."

I couldn't believe it. Dumbfounded, I reached over and took her hand. "You're serious? That's why you've been giving me the cold shoulder all morning? Because of some dumb thing on Facebook?"

"It's not dumb!" she snapped back at me. "If you don't want to be my boyfriend on Facebook, then how are you supposed to be my boyfriend in real life?"

I was pretty sure she'd got something wrong there. I was about to open my mouth and retort but I saw a lady, who I assumed to be her mother, open the front door and wave enthusiastically. "We'll talk about it later, okay? Let's just go inside."

As we walked up the front steps to the house, Laura's mother came out and threw her arms first around her daughter and then around me. "Come in, come in," she insisted, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me after her. Inside the doorway stood three girls of similar height, all with long blonde hair and the little ski-jump nose that they shared with their sister. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought the four sisters were quadruplets. Laura was the eldest of the four and they youngest must have been about 15. She gazed at me with wide blue eyes, and I felt my skin redden under her admiring stare. She was making me uncomfortable but hadn't seemed to notice.

Being around her family seemed to soften Laura a little, and I began to see glimpses again of the girl that I had liked so much when we first met. She laughed with her three sisters as she helped her mother make tea, and it was nice to see her smiling again. Her mother seemed like an older version of Laura – slim, well dressed and heavily made-up. She was already wearing the dark outfit that she'd wear to the funeral later, but the three sisters were all in track pants and t-shirts.

Laura's dad, who asked me to call him 'Mr. Muckner' was sitting in the comfy living room when we carried the coffees through. He surveyed me through cold blue eyes.

"This must be the boyfriend," he stated, standing up and extending his hand to shake mine. "Laura's a very special girl – I hope you're taking care of her."

My insides churned uncomfortably and for a horrified moment I thought I might be sick.

"I'm Jacob, sir," I said, shaking his hand briefly before sitting down on the sofa next to Laura. She took my hand and squeezed it tight. I couldn't keep up with her flip-flopping emotions and my stomach was cramping painfully. I couldn't remember a time when I'd been so uncomfortable.

"I told you about Jacob, Daddy," she said in a little girl's voice that I didn't recognise.

"Right, right. The Native American kid."

I raised my eyebrows at being referred to this way but said nothing.

"You should come hunting with us some time."

_Why on earth would I want to do that_? I thought bitterly, unsure what he was getting at.

"Bet you're a great hunter, hey kid? My pals and I do it for fun, but we're not great. You could show us how to track and all that."

If possible, I felt my eyebrows rise even further. Laura was nodding at me encouragingly and I looked around the room to see six pairs of blue eyes all watching me eagerly. My face got hot.

So I was the big Indian boy that their little darling had brought home for show and tell, was I?

"I've never been hunting before in my life," I replied coolly. "And the closest I've come to tracking is tracking down the phone number of the local pizza place." This wasn't exactly true, but the Muckner family didn't seem like the type who needed to hear stories about the werewolf pack. My mind flicked to Bella, and I suddenly wished that I was with her, wherever she was.

"If you'll excuse me," I said standing up. "I need to use the rest-room."

Once I was out in the dark hallway, I looked down, surprised to see my hands shaking. "Oh man," I mumbled hating to lose control at something so stupid. These people were just ignorant, that was all. I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself before finding the bathroom.

My stomach was hurting from nerves and I splashed some cold water on my face. How could I face sitting around here for a few more hours? At least I wouldn't have to drive back with Laura this evening. She was going to stay down for a few more days and then her father would drive her back. That was fine by me. I'd had enough of her and her hot and cold attitude.

I spent the next few hours sitting awkwardly in her the Muckner's family living room as relatives slowly trickled in. The girls all disappeared off to get ready and I was left for the most part trying to make awkward conversation with Laura's father. Eventually I excused myself to go and get changed.

I was shown to a guest room, and as soon as the door had clicked closed behind me I sat down on the bed and gripped my nauseated stomach. What was wrong with me? I'd been in my fair share of tough situations before, so why was this one having such an effect on me?

I wiped cold sweat from my forehead and pulled my suit out of its bag with shaky fingers. When I was dressed, I looked at myself in the long floor length mirror and gulped at the sight that met me. Under my natural tan, I was pale and looked almost green around the edges. A sheen of sweat covered my face.

"Shit" I mumbled and hurried into the ensuite to splash my face with water. I tightened my tie and debated pulling out my phone to call Bella, but knew it was a stupid idea. While I remembered I put the phone on silent then slid it back into my pocket. I checked my watch. Only another 5 minutes until we left.

I took my time putting on my shoes and tying my laces and by the time I arrived back downstairs, most of the family was making their way out to the cars parked along the street.

Laura looked pale but beautiful in her sombre black dress and I put my arm around her shoulders. She seemed to fold into me, and for the first time I was glad I had come down with her. Maybe she did need me down here after all. The younger sister glared at me.

I drove Laura and her three sisters to the church. They all sat, pale and beautiful in the back seat, handkerchiefs clutched in their thin hands. Laura's family seemed a world away from my own. I suddenly imagined bringing them all down to La Push and had to stifle a laugh. Laura shot me a warning look and I tried to sober up, focusing on the rainy road ahead. My stomach whined loudly.

"Are you okay?" Laura asked me quietly, gazing straight ahead at the road.

"Sure," I replied. "Just an uncomfortable stomach, that's all."

She frowned and looked out the window. The sisters didn't speak. I tried not to let my mind wander to Bella right now. I could picture her, curled up in her armchair, a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other. Her face was such a clear image in my mind. I wanted to reach out and touch her porcelain skin. But I blinked, and the daydream was gone.

Following the funeral procession, I pulled into a narrow driveway leading up to the church and graveyard. A line of black cars was already waiting and a vast number of people dressed in dark clothing were standing around outside.

Suddenly, all I could think of was my mother's funeral. I had a sudden flash of my father's face, tears dripping down his craggy cheeks as my sisters stood either side of him, eyes dry but looking lost.

"Jacob?" Laura asked, pulling me out of my reverie. "Are you coming?"

Her sisters had already got out of the car and were walking up the pathway.

"Sorry," I whispered. "This just took me back to my mother's funeral. I haven't been to one since."

Her mouth formed a small perfect O. "Your mother's dead?" she asked, surprised.

We both gazed at each other for a full minute, the realisation that we didn't know each other at all seemed to be dawning on us, then we both got out of the car and silently followed the sisters. My stomach rumbled again.

The church was overflowing by the time I walked in with the family and we sat in the front pews. Some of the men lingered outside, waiting for the hearse to arrive to carry the coffin in. I was glad to be sitting again, and wiped the sweat from my forehead. My stomach cramped uncomfortably and I closed my eyes.

Shit. I shouldn't have had that breakfast.

Music started and the audience rose as 6 men in black suits carried the flower adorned coffin down the central aisle. I felt as though my vision was swimming. Standing next to me, Laura had tears trickling down my face and I grabbed her hand, knowing that I had to be here for this. For what was probably the last time.

Once the coffin-bearers had sat, the music quietened down and an old priest stood and began to read. I couldn't focus on his words. I closed my eyes again, willing myself not to vomit. Don't vomit.

The old man droned on and on.

"What is wrong with you?" Laura breathed out of the corner of her mouth as I leaned forward and gripped my stomach. The pain was building and I knew I had to get out of here.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I stood and all eyes in the chapel turned to me. The priest hesitated for a moment, watching me as well. "I'm sorry," I said to Laura again, then ran for it.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review - I really need feedback to know what you want from this story - what do you like, what don't you like, what would you like more of? **

**Also, there may be the possibility of a shower scene coming up in the next few chapters...things are going to get steamy! Um, no pun intended? xxx Annie**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **Sorry it's been so long between updates - I went on holiday. Next couple of chapters are nearly finished though so I will be updating soon. Thank you so much to my gorgeous reviewers! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Eight:**

**Bella's POV**

The weekend passed fairly slowly. I spent Saturday doing some chores around the house, then slipped to the mall to pick up a few more things that I needed in the apartment. My home was starting to look a bit more like my own now, and it felt cosy. My bookshelves were filling with the books I brought home from work, and I spent a large part of Saturday afternoon putting up pictures on the walls. The landlord also dropped by with a workman to check that the gas fire in the fireplace was up and running okay.

"You won't need it just yet," my landlord said, rubbing his vast stomach. "But you'll need it in a month or so – gets pretty chilly up here. Even with the central heating, it's nice to have a fire going as well."

I had leftover stew for dinner and was just settling into bed with another book when the doorbell rang. Aware that my pyjamas showed rather more skin than I would care for a neighbour to see, I slipped on my dressing gown and went to open the door.

Jacob stood in the doorway, looking wretched.

"Oh my god, Jake! What the hell happened to you?"

He was wearing a dark suit, but it looked ruffled and distinctly careworn. He was pale under his naturally dark skin and his hair was sticking up all over the place.

He groaned and walked into the apartment, collapsing onto the sofa and burying his face into his hands. "You will never believe the day I have just had," he moaned through his fingers.

"Wasn't it Laura's grandfather's funeral today?" I asked, flicking on the kettle then sitting next to him and rubbing his back soothingl. His suit was drenched from the rain. "Jake you're soaking!"

"Raining," he mumbled as way of an excuse.

"You've got to get out of those wet things before you catch a cold. I've got some of Charlie's old t-shirts lying around." I got off the sofa to find him some dry clothes. He hadn't moved an inch when I got back. I was starting to seriously worry. I knelt in front of him and pulled his fingers away from his face. "Jacob Black, you are starting to really scare me." I said.

"Oh Bella," he sighed, sitting up a bit straighter and looking down at me. "I fucked up really bad."

"What did you do?" I couldn't imagine him doing anything so bad it warranted this kind of reaction.

He shook his head sadly. "It was the breakfast," he explained, although I had no idea what he was talking about. "We stopped at this run-down looking café, and the breakfast was dodgy. I felt sick from the moment we arrived at her house, but I thought it was just nerves. I really didn't want to be there, see. Anyway, we drove down to the chapel and it was just getting worse and worse. My stomach was making all kinds of weird noises.

"They just brought in the coffin and I knew I had to get out of there or I wouldn't make it."

I stared at him, half bemused, half disgusted. "What happened?" I whispered.

He hung his head. "I didn't make it. Spewed all over the great aunts in the back row."

I looked at him, shocked for a minute before, without meaning to, I laughed. I clapped my hand over my mouth, but I couldn't help it. I was laughing so hard my sides were sore. Jacob just stared at me as though I'd gone mad.

"Oh my god, Jake!" I gasped. "That's one way to break up with a girl." I collapsed into giggles again.

"Bella, it's not funny! Didn't you understand?"

"What did they do?"

"They had to stop the whole service!" Jacob wailed. "The aunts were hysterical, Laura was absolutely livid – man I've never seen anyone so mad. She told me piss off home. Well, I didn't need telling twice."

I shook my head, finally getting control of myself, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Oh Jacob," I sighed. "How are you feeling now?"

He shrugged. "Fine. Just mortified. I want to crawl under a rock and die."

I grabbed his hands in mine. "Come on, let's get you into some dry clothes and then I'll make you a cup of tea."

He looked up, and his chocolate brown eyes met mine. For a second our eyes locked together and I felt my hear rate quicken. A deep blush rose up my face and I quickly looked away, handing him the dry clothes. "Go get dressed in my room," I instructed then went to the kitchen and busied myself with making tea.

Jacob emerged a minute later, wearing Charlie's clothes – they were both too baggy yet too short for him and he looked very silly. "I hope you don't mind," he began. "I used some of your toothpaste to clean my mouth."

I handed him a cup of tea and we both sat on the sofa. I turned to face him, drawing my legs up under me as I blew on the hot cup of tea to cool it.

"Jacob," I began slowly, not sure what I was doing. "I'm not complaining or anything, but why did you come here? I mean, why didn't you just go straight home once you got back to Seattle?"

He shrugged and wouldn't meet my eyes. "I just had to see you," he said in way of an explanation. "I don't know, Bella. All day, I just wanted you there with me. Or better yet, I wanted to be away from that place and just be with you instead."

I prodded him lightly with my toe and joked, "so you could spew on me instead?"

He smiled weakly. "Ever since you've been back, Bella, I just can't keep my mind off you." My heart began to race and I felt the muscles in my lower abdomen tighten excitedly. Without realising it, I leaned forwards toward him, eager to hear more. He opened his mouth to keep speaking but a knock on the door interrupted him.

We both looked at each other confused for a second, then Jacob froze in place, sniffing the air. "Holy crap," he whispered.

Quickly, I put my mug down on the coffee table, then hurried over to the door and looked through the small peep- hole. Through the distorted glass, I could see a spiky black head. With a gasp, I pulled the door open.

Alice stood in the doorway, beaming at me. In her hands, she held a small pot plant with a big floppy bow tied around it.

"Oh, Alice!" I exclaimed throwing my arms around her. She hugged me gently then stepped back, glaring over my shoulder.

"I didn't realise you had company," she said melodically and I turned to look at Jacob as well. He'd stood, and was staring stonily at my surprise guest.

"I was just leaving," he said coldly.

"No, Jacob! Don't go. You don't need to."

"I do," he said quietly. "I need to go home and get changed anyway. Bye Bella."

He brushed past me and before I knew it, he was gone. Alice stood there beaming at me, and my disappointment at Jacob's sudden departure was masked by excitement at seeing her.

"Oh Alice, please come in!" I held the door wider open for her and she handed me the plant.

"Happy Housewarming, Bella!" she said the darted around the room looking at all the decorations and furnishings I had. "This place looks wonderful. Who knew you had such style?"

"This is such a great surprise, I didn't know you were in town."

"Well, I decided to make a special trip after I got your last email. I wanted to give you time to settle in and I wanted to surprise you."

"Well it's a wonderful surprise," I replied honestly. I put the pot plant on a small table by the front door, then sat on the sofa with Alice. As excited as I was having her here, I couldn't help but wish she'd arrived just 10 minutes later. What had Jacob been about to say to me?

"Listen Bella, I have actually come with ulterior motives, I'm afraid."

I raised my eyebrows and took a sip of my drink. "Oh really? And what would those be?"

She laughed. "Oh Bella, I love how you've changed." I didn't know what she meant but she continued before I could ask. "Part of the reason I've come to visit is because… Well, Edward is in the area."

I choked on my tea and she patted me gently on the back as I spluttered.

"He was wondering if you would be up for seeing him sometime."

"What?" I choked out weakly. That had been the last thing I was expecting. "Why does he want to see me?"

Alice half-shrugged and I was instantly suspicious. What had she seen?

"Listen, Bella, in some ways Edward sees your return to Washington as an act of forgiveness. It may seem irrational, but that's how he feels. Your 'coming home' is a symbol to him. He knows that he was the reason that you left, which is why he has given you time. But now that you're back he'd like to see you again. Talk to you about a few things."

"He wasn't the only reason I left," I muttered. "There were all sorts of reasons. I just needed to get away – I needed to figure out who I was by myself. And what do you mean 'he has given me time'?" I demanded crossly. "He hasn't given me anything thank you very much. He hasn't even been a factor in my life for the past four years."

She looked at me, her face unreadable. "I know you're still upset, Bella. You have every right to be. But you welcomed Jacob Black back quickly. Surely he was also one of the reasons you left?"

I glared at her. "Jacob is my friend, Alice."

She shrugged again. "Well maybe Edward could be too. Anyway, enough about this. Clearly you don't want to talk about Edward, and that's fine. He said to not push you and give you time to think." She smiled at me then. "So tell me all about your new job!"

I was still fuming at the way Alice had dropped this bombshell on me. The way she spoke, I felt as though everything I did was now on Edward's terms. I imagined myself in Dr Kopner's dark office. What would she say in this situation? "Take a deep breath. Let it out. Your anger is coming from the feeling of losing control. Control your anger, and you will control the situation." I closed my eyes.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Alice began. "If you're tired I can go."

My eyes flew open again. "No way!" I exclaimed. I haven't seen you in months, Alice! Please tell me you're staying for awhile."

ooo

**Jacob's POV**

I couldn't concentrate at work on Monday. I had stupidly told Chris about the disastrous events at the funeral and every time I looked at him he mimed projectile vomiting. I was in a foul mood.

Bella had tried to call twice yesterday, but I'd ignored her calls, knowing she was still with the vampire. As I'd left her apartment on Saturday evening, my hands had been shaking again and my body felt like it was on the edge. I took my temperature when I got home and it had been 101 degrees. One degree hotter than it normally was. I couldn't go back. I was starting to get better and I just couldn't go back to that old life. If Bella was around vampires again then so be it. I would be staying away. My supernatural days were behind me. She could do as she pleased.

The spanner I was using slipped in my hand and I winced as my palm scraped against a ragged piece of metal. Blood dripped from the cut and I watched it with satisfaction until Jack came over and smacked me around the head.

"What are you doing, you idiot," he mumbled, wrapping a towel around my hand. I was pleased to see the blood staining the white material – I hadn't regressed completely then.

I heaved a great sigh and wandered off to find the first aid kit. Once I'd patched myself up the best I could, I made my way back into the garage and stopped in my tracks, smiling at the two visitors standing in the doorway.

I hadn't seen Sam for nearly six months now, but there he stood. Clasping his hand and gazing around with big eyes, was Sam's four-year-old son, Maxim. I walked over to them and shook Sam's hand then kneeled down to Maxim's level.

"Hey buddy," I greeted him, ruffling his hair. "Want to go see some cool cars?"

He nodded shyly, still wide-eyed with excitement. I stood, then picked him up swiftly and dangled him upside down by his feet. He shrieked with laughter until I tossed him up over my head and onto my shoulders.

We walked around the garage, and I answered his many "What's that?"s with patience I didn't realise I had. Finally, I returned to Sam, pulling Maxim from my shoulders and setting him down on the floor.

"You're a natural," Sam observed.

I shrugged. "When's the second one due?"

Sam grinned. "Two weeks. Emily's huge."

"Any idea what you're having?"

"I have my fingers crossed for a girl," Sam said, ruffling his kid's hair and then sighing deeply. "You need to come home, Jacob."

I shot him a searching stare. "Why? What's wrong?" I was instantly worried about Billy – but I'd only spoken to him yesterday and he seemed fine.

"We miss you back on the reservation – it's not the same without you around."

I shrugged. "I'm making a life for myself here."

"I heard Bella's back," Sam said quietly.

"So?"

"Jacob – remember what happened to you after she left! You disappeared for months. You lost yourself in the wolf, and it took you a long time to recover. How can you just accept her back into your life now? After everything she did to you?"

"She didn't do anything, ok?" I replied, forgetting for a moment that I was angry with her. "She had to leave – she needed to get away from it all. Get away from the Cullens."

"You know they're back?"

My head snapped up. "All of them?" I asked.

"No, not all of them. The leader and his wife, the fortune-teller and her mate. And Edward."

My heat rate quickened and I felt my hands begin to shake. I closed my eyes, trying to regain control, hating myself for losing it. "So?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Stop wasting your time hiding up here, Jacob. You belong down in La Push with your brothers."

"We've had this argument before, Sam. I'm making a life for myself up here," I argued. "A life that I have _chosen_. A life that I _want_. I deserve that at least."

Sam didn't look happy. He clearly still thought that I had made the wrong choice by moving up here. But what was he thinking, that he could just come up here and talk me into going back with him?

"I'll come down and visit, Sam," I said quietly. "But I'm not moving back. I'm not joining the pack again. You can handle the Cullens without my help."

Sam shook his head sadly, but we had nothing left to say. I felt a twinge of remorse as he and his kid walked back down the driveway to their car. In some ways I _had_ turned my back on my family. But just like Bella, I'd had to look after myself for a while.

With a sigh, I got back to work, glad to be able to distract myself with engines. After I had finished high school, Charlie had suggested that I go to college. Even though Bella had left and we'd lost contact, I used to go visit Charlie fairly regularly, worried that he'd get lonely in that house by himself. He also wasn't in on the big werewolf secret and it was nice being able to talk to someone who thought of me as a normal human kid. Billy would never have suggested college – he expected me to live in La Push my whole life, doing what was right for the tribe, marrying some girl on the reservation and having children before I was 20. Well, no thanks.

My grades were appalling – and I knew that I would be lucky if any college took me. So instead Charlie had suggested an apprenticeship. I'd always been handy with cars, so naturally, a motor mechanic was the best idea. Charlie helped set me up as an apprentice with Jack, who was an old fishing buddy of his from back in the day.

Sam was unhappy when I made the choice to move to Seattle and leave my werewolf life behind. He felt betrayed, I think, and I could kind of understand why. But Charlie supported me whole-heartedly and Billy came around in the end. We'd had a pretty heated argument before I left though.

"I thought you'd understand!" I'd yelled at him, my arms crossed against my chest as I stood fuming in the corner of our small living room. "You've been stuck in that wheelchair, trapped, unable to do so many things because of it. Well that's how I feel about life here – La Push has become my wheelchair – and I'm not going to put up with it anymore."

"Jacob, you're not thinking clearly. Sure, you want a job, but we can find one for you here. Or in Forks, maybe."

"No," I replied stubbornly. "I'm going to Seattle Dad. I can either go with your blessing or not but that part's up to you."

I sighed remembering that fight. He hadn't given me his blessing nor had he spoken to me for weeks afterwards. But Charlie had slowly worked away at him and I returned to La Push every weekend for the next few months to prove to him that I hadn't disappeared out of his life completely. Sam had come around too, accepting that not everyone had to be tied down by the pack. He was extremely interested in the improving symptoms as well, keeping records of my temperature and strength.

But now it looked as though they were both ready for me to come back – and I knew it was because of Bella.

"Hey Jacob," Jack called over the sound of the grinder, a few hours after Sam had left. I turned it off and flipped up my facemask to look at him.

"What?"

"You're popular today," he said with a grin, gesturing to the doorway. Think of the devil. Bella stood there, her arms folded across her chest, looking unhappy. I sighed and put the grinder down on the bench top then took off my safety mask. "You have appointments all day or you plannin' on actually getting some work done this afternoon?" he asked sarcastically, the grin still plastered across his old, craggy face.

I pulled a face at him, and walked slowly over to Bella, not liking the look of the expression she was wearing.

"Why aren't you at work?" I asked her in way of a greeting.

She shrugged, her eyes not leaving mine; she was glowering at me. "Early mark."

"Right. Well I'm still on the clock here so you better make this quick." I hadn't meant it to sound so unfriendly and I instantly regretted my tone.

"I will," she said through clenched teeth. "Can we speak about this outside?"

I nodded and we left the shop together, stopping once we reached the sidewalk. Then she turned and glared at me.

"How dare you!" she hissed.

I stepped back, surprised by the radiating anger I felt. "What?"

"How dare you just walk out on me last night? You said you wanted a normal human life Jacob, _you_ said that! So what, you pick and choose the human traits that suit you, is that it?"

I stared at her wide-eyed: I had no idea she'd be so angry.

"You think," she continued, her voice growing louder. "You think that you can just come and go as you please? You think you can choose who my friends are and who aren't? You want to be human Jacob, so act like it! You're just as bad as Edward was – trying to control my life by deciding who I can and can't hang out with, and trying to emotionally manipulate me into choosing _you_ over my other friends. Well I'm not standing for it!" She took a breath then kept right on going. "You decide now whether or not you want to be my friend – if you do then great, but you get all of me – not just the parts you want. All of me, got it?" She was glowering at me, her hands clenched into tight fists at her side.

I realised I was leaning away from her slightly, my mouth still hanging open a little._Bella has changed_, I realised, impressed.

"I want you," I said quietly. "I want all of you."

She continued to glare at me, clearly unsure whether or not she was quite ready to forgive me so easily.

"It's a difficult habit to break, Bella." I said in way of an explanation. "And what you said about Edward – I don't want you to ever think of me like him, ok? I promise I won't manipulate you or control you or try to change you in any way. You're my best friend and you're perfect just as you are."

Finally, she nodded, and looked down at her hands. "When I left, Jacob, I knew that I had to be independent, that I had to figure out who I was and stand on my own two feet. I'm sorry I got so angry with you but the thought of anyone trying to take that away from me now…"

I stepped towards her and gathered her into my arms. "I had no right to treat you how I did today, Bella. I'm really sorry. I need to learn to distance myself from the werewolf that's still in me."

"Or you need to learn to accept it," she muttered, barely audibly.

"I have to get back to work," I sighed, not yet ready to release her from my hug. Burying my face in her hair I breathed in the scent of her shampoo and for a second rested my lips against her shiny locks. I wasn't sure whether or not she had felt the shadow of a kiss, but didn't really care. I didn't want to play games with her anymore. I just wanted her to be mine.

"I'll come over tonight," I said quietly.

"Alice is staying." Bella said.

"That's ok."

"How about I come to yours?" she asked, pulling back from me and looking up into my eyes. "It will save both of your noses from hurting. And it may be easier to keep up your end of the bargain if you don't have to have too much direct contact with the Cullens."

* * *

**AN: **Make me update sooner - leave a review! xxx Annie


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** Thank you so much to all my lovely dedicated reviewers. Things are getting steamier! Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer** (as it's probably about time): Not mine, just playing with them for awhile. Promise to put them back uninjured (and a little less innocent) at the end.

* * *

**Chapter Nine:**

**Bella's POV**

Alice stayed with me for a week, and during that time I tried to come up with an answer for her. But I just couldn't make up my mind. Did I want to see Edward again? Part of me did. Part of me wanted to see him again, now that I knew how much he had taken away from him. I wanted to see him and forgive him. But another part of me was scared. What if he still had that control over me? He wasn't just a typical boy after all. He was an extremely strong and forceful vampire. Next to him, I was nothing more than a weak human that he could crush in a second if he wanted to.

I'd never been scared of Edward before and it surprised me now that I was in a way.

So I couldn't give Alice an answer. She was staying down in Forks, and I promised that I would come and visit soon. Charlie was desperate for me to come and stay as well, and I talked to Jacob about the two of us going down there together one weekend.

As September arrived, the weather began to cool, and dark clouds dominated the skies. My walks to work became more brisk and I was grateful for the warm coffee cupped in my hands.

I had some big projects happening at work and was forced to stay later on a few occasions. A couple of times I went down to the Children's Literature section and spent a few hours helping Mel and gossiping with her. She was still torn between her love for the married man and her conscience.

"He's never going to leave her is he?" Mel asked me one day as I helped her sort through books.

I had to smile – she reminded me of the best friend in _When Harry Met Sally_. "No sweetie," I said as gently as possible. "I don't think he is."

She sighed. "I know. Of course I know. But when he holds me and kisses me, I just melt into him. I believe everything he says. It's not until I'm free of him again that I come to my senses. He has a spell over me."

"Well, why don't we go out one night and try and find you another guy?" I asked. "I'm single too, it would be fun."

Mel snorted. "You are _not_ single."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on, Bella!" Mel laughed, pushing back her thick red hair and gazing at me. "Are you honestly telling me that you and Jacob aren't together?"

"I've told you we aren't!" I replied hotly, but I remembered our last meeting. He'd tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, his face mere inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face and had to restrain myself from throwing my arms around him and pressing my lips to his. The moment had lasted only a second before he pulled away, embarrassed, but I'd wished it had lasted forever.

When I looked up, Mel was smirking at me. "Daydreaming?" she asked.

"Oh shut up," I responded chucking a paperback at her. She caught it with a laugh. "Anyway, it's _your_ love life we're talking about, not mine. Actually Jacob's planning on throwing me a birthday party this weekend." I rolled my eyes. I'd begged him not to, not wanting to make a big deal out of the day but he'd insisted. "Why don't you come along? He's asked some of his friends from work."

Mel agreed as Marcus stuck his head around the door.

"What are you girls still doing here?" he asked jovially, hoisting his pants up. "Gossiping, eh? Well, off you go – the work will still be here tomorrow, don't you worry!"

We grabbed our bags and jackets and I slipped off my heels, changing them for my comfy sneakers in preparation for the walk home. It was raining when we got outside and I wished I'd been lazy and driven to work that morning. Instead, I heaved a great sigh and put up my umbrella – which I'd had the foresight to shove into my bag at the last minute.

I walked quickly home, splashing in puddles along the way. The days were getting shorter and the sun had already set, and I was shivering by the time I reached my apartment. I climbed up the three flights of stairs, amazed that I could now do it without feeling puffed at the end.

To my surprise, Jacob was sitting on the floor outside my apartment door, his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed. Crossing my arms, I stared down at him, one eyebrow raised. I cleared my throat and he woke with a start.

"Oh, hey Bells. I must have fallen asleep, sorry."

I offered him my hand and helped pull him to his feet.

"What are you doing here, Jake? I didn't know you were coming over this evening."

He looked guilty. "I'm hiding," he admitted as I unlocked the door and let us both inside.

"Hiding?"

"Yeah. From Laura." He looked extremely sheepish as he flopped down onto the coach. I shook out my umbrella and stepped out of my soggy sneakers.

"Laura?" I was surprised. He hadn't spoken about her since the funeral. I'd assumed that they were over after his behaviour in front of her family. "What's going on?"

"Well, she's decided that she's forgiven me. But now she won't stop texting and phoning. And she keeps showing up at my house. I don't know what to do."

I stared at him dumbfounded. How could he be so hopeless? "Have you tried breaking up with her, Jacob?"

He glared at me. "Of course I've _tried_," he wailed. "But she won't let me! She keeps saying 'Don't be silly, Jacob, we'll work it out. There's nothing we can't get through.' She just won't take the hint."

"Well stop hinting," I replied exasperated and flicked on the kettle. "Seriously Jacob, it's not nice leading this girl on when you don't want to be with her."

He snorted. "Like you can talk."

We both stared at each other for a long moment and I could see regret form instantly in his eyes. But he couldn't take back what he'd just said. Why did he have to bring up the past now when we were getting along so well? I hadn't meant to hurt him, he knew that.

"You shouldn't have pushed me to be in a relationship when you knew I wasn't ready for one."

"Well you shouldn't have given me reason to hope, Bella. You always acted like it was a possibility."

I didn't know how to reply to this. Finally I said, "Well, that was a long time ago Jacob. I was just a kid."

A strained silence stretched between us. I busied myself with making tea, trying to distract myself from the uncomfortable tension between us. Then before I knew it, I could feel Jacob's heat behind me, and he was pulling me around to face him. He was closer than I'd realised and I drew in a deep breath, surprised by his proximity.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up." He curled his fingers around my chin and drew my face up gently to gaze into my eyes.

"Maybe we should talk about it," I muttered quietly.

"Okay," he replied, taking one of the mugs from the bench and leading me to the couch by the hand. He sat very close to me, our legs pressed together, and I had to calm the over-excited beating of my heart.

"I loved your company," I admitted finally. "Whenever I was around you, I felt happy and whole. I wanted to be around you all the time. If Edward hadn't existed I would have wanted a relationship with you." I pressed on, sensing that he wanted to interrupt. "But Edward had some kind of weird hold over me. I talked with my psychologist a lot about the relationship I had with Edward. I understand it a little better now, but I still don't completely understand the person _I_ was when I was with him.

"I don't understand how I could have been so controlled or brainwashed – the person I used to be doesn't make sense to me now. I mean seriously, how could I have really wanted to give away everything I had? How could I have been ready to throw away my humanity? It all seems so strange to me, but Dr. Kopner said that I was vulnerable and Edward gave me the validity I couldn't afford myself." I sighed exasperatedly, angry with myself. "It's so different now though Jacob. I actually know who I am, and I value myself. I never used to."

"Well I'm glad that you do." He said softly. "It's so beautiful to see the change in you Bella. You've always been this amazing person, but now you finally recognise that in yourself."

I grinned shyly and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. "I don't know about amazing…"

"Don't put yourself down – you _are_ amazing. You have grown so much and I admire you for that." He seemed to hesitate and licked his lips, unsure of where to go next. "Bella, listen, I wont push you – I promised myself that I wouldn't put you in that position again, but I need you to know – that if you want me, I'm here."

My heart raced and I gulped down a mouthful of hot tea too quickly and felt it stick in my windpipe. Jacob patted me on the back as I spluttered and choked.

"We don't need to talk about it now," he said quietly as I recovered from my coughing fit. "I just had to let you know."

I nodded, wiping the streaming tears from my eyes. "I think the more pressing problem," I said in a hoarse voice, "is what to do with that pesky girlfriend of yours."

Jacob laughed, and the serious moment between us was over. For the time being I was relieved. Although I'd daydreamed about Jacob and me being together, I'd never seriously thought of it as a possibility. But hadn't he just said he was open to a relationship?

Or had I misread what he was saying? Was he just saying that if I wanted him as a _friend_ he'd be there? I wasn't sure of myself or of him. I'd hurt him so badly; surely he would never want to take me back after everything I'd done to him.

He clearly had never forgiven me for stringing him along; that was obvious from his comment earlier: _"Well you shouldn't have given me reason to hope, Bella. You always acted like it was a possibility."_

What if we tried going out now and it didn't work out – and I broke his heart all over again? I couldn't be responsible for that.

I went to bed confused and upset with myself that evening, unsure what Jacob and I had. I was uncertain of what I wanted with him – all I knew was that when I thought of his beautiful face or his strong, well-built body I felt myself melt inside. A strong yearning took over my senses and my lower abdomen ached with desire.

I tried to distract myself and pounded my pillow angrily, trying not to think of Jacob, asleep on the couch. A part of me desperately wanted to go back into the living room, crawl under the spare blanket and press myself into his warm, half-naked body. I wanted to bring him back into my bed, clamber in with him and slowly run my hands all over his body.

This wasn't helping. Angry with myself, I decided I needed to have a cold shower or I would never sleep. Leaning over, I flipped on the bedside table lamp and padded across my bedroom into the bathroom. I tossed off my pyjamas and turned on the shower, glad for the steam filling the chilly bathroom. I didn't quite have the guts to have a cold shower, but a nice warm shower would hopefully do the trick. I stepped into the stream of water and enjoyed feeling the jets pounding into my scalp.

Slowly, my tension and anxiety began to fade away and I imagined Dr. Kopner's calm face. She would tell me off for worrying about something that could so easily be resolved.

"Communicate with him," she would say in her soft, reassuring voice.

I reached for the soap and worked it into a rich lather across my skin then shampooed and conditioned my hair. As I stepped forwards to reach for my face wash, I slipped on the suds in the tub and my feet shot out from under me. Cursing my clumsiness, I grabbed for the shower curtain to steady myself, but the sheet merely ripped free of the railing as I fell, my shoulder smacking the edge of the tub with a crack that made me shriek in pain.

I lay, the water still pounding into my face, sobbing at the agony resonating from my shoulder. I tried to move, to sit up, but a white-hot pain stabbed through me and I realised I was immobilised.

Then I heard the bathroom door burst open. I pulled the shower curtain further over me in an attempt to protect my modesty as Jacob turned off the water, his face stricken.

"Bells, what happened? Are you okay?" He reached down to help me up.

"No!" I yelped before his hands could touch me. "Jacob it's my shoulder. I think I've hurt it."

I saw his eyes trail to my shoulder and his face paled under the natural tan.

"It's okay, Bella," he said, his voice reassuring in a practiced sort of way. "Listen to me, I'm going to get you up out of the tub, then we're going to head to the ER to get you checked out okay?"

I nodded, feeling tears trickling from my eyes. I wrapped my uninjured arm protectively around me as Jacob carefully put his hand under my back and helped me sit. I gasped at the pain this caused.

"It's okay," he said again. "Now I can either lift you out of the tub, or you can give me your arm and I'll help pull you up. Which do you think would be better?"

I was mortified at the thought of him reaching his hands under me, touching my naked body. As it was, he'd see a good deal of me, as the shower curtain wouldn't conceal much when I was standing.

"Help me stand," I said quietly, trying to shift the shower curtain into a more modest position. "And please don't look Jacob."

He smiled. "I'll try not to. Okay, give me your hand. On the count of three, stand up, okay?"

Painfully, he pulled me to my feet and I just managed to grab hold of the curtain before it fell to the floor.

"Let's get you into some clothes." He eyed my shoulder worriedly. "Maybe something strapless?"

I directed him to my closet and he found a strapless dress, which I managed to climb into. Chivalrously, he kept his eyes closed the whole time I was dressing but I wasn't sure how much he had seen. He draped a jacket over my shoulders to keep me warm and I was all too aware of the fact that I was naked under my dress. I hated the thought of going to the hospital without wearing panties but there was no way I could put them on myself. Jacob seemed to be having the same thought. He pulled a pair of cotton briefs from my dresser and held them out to me.

Beet red, I shook my head. "I don't think I can."

"I'll close my eyes," he said then held them out so I could easily step into them. Once I had done that, he carefully worked them up my legs and into place. The feeling of his fingers brushing against my skin made my stomach squirm in embarrassment and something more.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I so desperately wished that Alice or even Angela had been staying with me for this. But at the same time, what would I have done if I'd been here by myself?

Jacob drove me quickly to the hospital in his Rabbit and I was rushed through to the x-ray department. The doctor came back with bad news. "You dislocated your shoulder," he told me pointing out the dislocation on the x-ray. "It's a pretty quick fix but it will be painful."

I nearly broke Jacob's hand as they put my shoulder back into place. My arm was put into a sling and I was prescribed some strong pain relievers before I was finally allowed to go home.

ooo

"Dad," I sighed into the phone, trying to avoid puddles as I made my way to work on Monday morning. The weather had stayed cold and miserable and although Jacob had offered to drop me off at work because of my sling, I'd stubbornly refused. It would have made him late to work and I was completely fine managing by myself.

"Dad, listen," I started again, cutting him off rather abruptly. "I don't need to move back home with you, okay? It was just an accident, that's all."

"But what if no one had been there, Bella?" he repeated. "You live by yourself, what would you have done if Jacob hadn't been there?"

"I would have called someone for help. Dad, I just dislocated my shoulder it's not that big of a deal. If it had been something major then I could have called for an ambulance, but it wasn't. It's nothing."

I let Charlie rant for a bit as I stepped into the warm coffee shop and quickly paid for my usual before the barista could ask what I had done. Charlie was still lecturing me by the time I put the phone back up to my ear and headed back onto the street.

"_You_ lived by yourself for nearly 16 years before I came back to Forks, and you were just fine, ok? So can you stop worrying?"

Charlie fussed a little bit more before we finally said goodbye. I was nearly at the library by that point. At least he hadn't asked the difficult question – what had Jacob been doing at your house at 1 in the morning? I blushed again as I remembered Jacob's soft warm fingers carefully dragging the cotton briefs up my legs and thighs, his eyes tightly closed but his breathing ragged none the less.

Jacob had decided to stay for the remainder of the weekend, setting up camp in my living room. I accused him of using it as an excuse to hide from Laura and he reminded me that I was helpless performing all sorts of various day-to-day tasks without two working arms. Because of my lack of mobility, we spent a lot of time playing board games and watching movies and drinking hot chocolates in front of the newly-working fireplace. Despite the continuous throbbing pain in my shoulder, we'd had a pretty great weekend.

Although we hadn't discussed our relationship again, the tension between us had been tangible during the long hours we spent together. It also seemed as though Jacob took every opportunity to touch my hand, brush against me in the kitchen or gently tuck my hair out of my eyes. Whenever we sat on the sofa to watch TV or a movie, he'd pull my legs into his lap or he'd wrap me into the warm crook of his arm, always being carefully not to nudge my sore shoulder.

Jacob spent a good deal of the weekend trying to organise my birthday party for the end of the month. "Will you just tell me what you want, please? It's so much easier than trying to figure out what's in your head."

"I don't want anything," I protested. "You're already throwing me a party, that's more than enough."

He rolled his eyes. "Bella!" he groaned. "Fine whatever. So is there anyone else you want to invite?" He eyed the list of about ten people that we'd jointly constructed.

"Alice," I said quietly.

Calmly, he scratched the word _Alice_ at the bottom of the list. "I don't have her details, so you'll need to let her know, okay?"

I was amazed at how well he was taking this. "You really don't have a problem with her, Jake?"

"No," he said. "I'm human, remember? And I'm never going to tell you who your friends are."

I gazed at him for a long moment, a smile playing on my lips. This was a pretty big deal for him and I knew he was doing it for me. I decided that I needed to be honest with him, and so I told him about Alice's request that I meet up with Edward. To my surprise, Jacob didn't seem angry although it was a few long moments before he spoke.

"I guess I knew he'd want to see you. Sam told me they were back – why else would they all return now?"

I was surprised that he knew this information, but decided to take advantage of his seemingly calm disposition rather than quiz him about what else he knew.

"What do you think I should do?"

He shrugged again. "You do whatever you think you can handle. If you want to see him again, then go for it. Just make sure you can manage it. I don't want to lose Bella again to that bloodsuck- I mean – to that _guy_. You deserve better than him Bella, so just make sure you don't fall for any of his tricks."

I snorted. "I highly doubt he wants me back, Jacob. When I left, I made my feelings for him pretty clear – I told him that I didn't want a relationship with him any more."

"Yeah," Jacob sighed regretfully. "But you're not easy to get over Bella."

I blushed and felt sadness overwhelm me. I wondered at what point Jacob had realised that he was over me.

In the end, I decided not to invite Alice to my party. I could catch up with her another time and it wasn't fair to make Jacob, who had put so much effort into organising my party, go through the pain of having her around.

I finally had to snap myself out of my daydreams about Jacob and the weekend when I reached work. The library was significantly understaffed and Marcus needed "all hands on deck" as he put it, dashing past my office door as quickly as his considerable bulk would allow him to go.

I hurried out of my office after him and he thrust a list into my hands. "Academic in the stacks on level four, requested these."

I bit back my groan – not the stacks! Hadn't I paid my dues there already? But instead of complaining, I nodded and ran off to find the dusty old copies the academic had requested. My sore arm wouldn't allow me to carry many at a time, and I'd need a trolley.

After I'd finally located all the required books and loaded them onto a free trolley, I awkwardly wheeled the books down the elevator and onto level four.

I'd been expecting an old, stuffy university professor, perhaps balding a little on top with a paunch to rival Marcus', but instead I was met by a tall, gangly man with straw-blonde hair and a pair of glasses perched on the end of his nose.

My first thought was that he was fairly attractive in a geeky sort of way, then I suddenly realised that I'd met this man before. He looked up, his green eyes resting on my own, and a spark of recognition blazed behind the pupils. A dull flush coloured his cheeks and he looked away embarrassed.

Pushing the trolley over to him, I smiled in greeting. "You're the carrot guy," I said, referring to the man who had warned me off the fresh fruit and veg at the supermarket a few weeks ago. I looked down at the scrap of paper still clutched in my hand. "Professor Callow?"

"Cole, please," he said shyly. "Just call me Cole. Please, let me take those books from you, it looks like you're struggling." He eyed my sling warily.

"Oh I'm fine," I replied and helped him unstuck the trolley of books onto the table where he was working. "What a surprise to see you here. Are you a professor at Seattle University?"

He nodded and smiled timidly. "I lecture in Medieval English History."

"Oh how interesting! I studied Medieval English Literature at university."

"Then you must recognise some of these titles?"

We chatted amicably about authors and texts that we were both familiar with until I suddenly remembered how understaffed the library was today.

"I'm so sorry," I apologised sincerely. "I've got to get back to work. But if there's anything else you need please let me know." I turned to leave but he put out a hand to stop me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"Bella," I replied with a genuine smile. "My name's Bella."

I tried to help with other menial jobs around the library but Marcus, who seemed more aware of his surroundings now his stress had diminished, took one look at my shoulder and sling and instructed me back to my office, where I spent the rest of the day running through computer programs and making phone calls.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed! Please please please leave a review! (not to beg or anything so undignified...) Or hey, how about this, leave a review and I'll include a kiss next chapter ;)** Annie xxx


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thank you so much for all my wonderful reviews, they really made my day! Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

**Chapter Ten:**

I never really talk much about why I first started to see Dr Kopner. I try not to think about it most of the time, although Dr Kopner doesn't approve of this strategy. "Avoidance" it's called, and according to her I do it rather a lot.

Sometimes it can be a good thing. Sometimes thinking about stuff too much does more damage than good. Sometimes thinking about stuff keeps me awake at night, makes me wish I was still a child again – when I didn't know about a world of vampires and werewolves. When all I knew was that my mother loved me, and I hated visiting Forks.

Simpler doesn't always mean better though.

"You're passive aggressive," Dr Kopner had said to me once. I hated the way she said the words. It made me feel small and inadequate. I knew she didn't mean to make me feel that way. She wouldn't be a very good psychologist if she made me feel bad about myself after all. But she did make me confront aspects about myself that I wasn't always comfortable with.

So far I think I've made it all sound like a bit of a breeze – leaving Forks and going to London. But in all honesty I was a mess. The details aren't all that important I suppose but when I was first asked to see Dr Kopner she threw quite a few big words around and was "very concerned for my wellbeing." I suppose what it all came down to was that I had some rather serious issues that needed to be worked through.

I did try to be as honest with her as I could. But as I didn't want to be hospitalised for insanity, I could never reveal to her that I truly believed in Vampires and Werewolves and was convinced that some big mean scary vampires would come looking for me at some point n the foreseeable future, which was the root of so many of my problems. So while Dr Kopner helped me through abandonment issues and something she commonly referred to as PTSD, she was never able to completely cure me as I knew she wanted to.

I wanted to live freely, feel infinite and young, but there was always that sense of fear that weighed me down, that prevented me from letting go completely. And I knew I could never, and would never, escape from it.

I suppose the reason I'm bringing this all up now, is because I woke up screaming the other night. Blood red eyes. Ashen, dusty skin. Glinting, white teeth.

I lay, shivering in my bed, drenched in a cold sweat as I tried to calm my frantically beating heart. Five years later I still had not recovered from my visit to the Volturi and their ominous promise that they would like to visit me when I too had been made immortal.

As I lay in my bed and pulled my covers up tighter around my chin, I thought again about Alice's request of me – that I meet and speak with Edward. I knew that I would have to. It seemed inevitable and as much as I had hoped otherwise, I knew this chapter of my life was not quite over yet.

I wished Jacob was in the next room then immediately thought better of this – what would he think if he heard me waking in the middle of the night screaming?

Henry had been around once when I'd had one of these dreams. It had taken a long time to calm me and he had eventually phoned Dr Kopner, frantic with worry. My sessions had doubled after that experience.

I rolled over in my bed and smacked my pillow into a more comfortable shape. I needed to go back to sleep. Charlie was arriving tomorrow morning to celebrate my birthday, and as Jacob was planning me a birthday party, I knew I'd have to stay up late.

I tried to distract myself with thoughts of work and the latest book I was reading and finally I drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

ooo

Jacob had gone all out for my birthday party. His small house was bursting with light, music and warmth as I stepped through the front door. There was an explosion of streamers and balloons in the living room, which was crowded with some of my favourite people. Charlie and Billy where taking animatedly with Jacob's friend Jack and I could just make out the words "tackle" and "flathead". Sue stood by Charlie's side nodding occasionally but not contributing much. I decided to stay clear of that conversation for a while – the men could talk about fishing for hours if you let them.

Mel was also there. She waved at me as I walked by and seemed to be in a fiery debate with Jacob's roommate Chris. Knowing Mel's quick temper and sharp tongue I almost felt sorry for Chris, except I knew he probably deserved whatever he was getting.

Ben and Angela stood together near the roaring fireplace, Angela sipping delicately on a soda as she stroked a hand across her growing belly. They were standing with a very tall, dark skinned man with a flop of shiny black hair and I laughed when I realised who it was. Seth had grown a lot over the past four years but his infectious smile and mischievous eyes had not changed a bit.

He yelled my name when he saw me and pulled me into a scorching hug. I'd forgotten how hot a werewolf could be, and it made me marvel at the change in Jacob.

"Bella Swan!" Seth marvelled, holding me at arms length and look me up and down ashamedly. "You've really shrunk, honey!"

I punched him softly in the arm as he laughed and ruffled my hair.

"You mean you're now taller than most trees," I retorted. "How old are you now, anyway? Forty?"

He laughed again. "Yeah something like that. Boy it's good to see you again Bel. Jacob's over the moon to have you back too."

Jacob, who had just walked over with my drink, smacked Seth around the head.

"Getting weak, dude," Seth laughed.

"Don't remind me," Jacob replied but grinned at the same time.

"This party is so great, Jacob, thanks for organising it!"

Jacob just shrugged, embarrassed, and shoved the drink into my hand as the doorbell rang. He disappeared and I chatted happily with Angela and Seth until I heard a voice cry, "Bellaaa!"

I turned to see small Alice darting across the room, a wrapped present in her arms and a wicked grin on her lips. Jacob trailed behind her, his face blank and passive. I could tell he was trying not to show distaste at the latest arrival.

"I didn't realise you were coming!" I exclaimed (feeling a bit guilty that I hadn't invited her) as Alice hugged me delicately then held out the gift for me to take. "And you shouldn't have bought me anything!"

"Don't be silly," she just laughed. "And Jacob invited me."

I raised my eyebrows at Jacob who just shrugged and walked off to talk to some of his friends from work.

"Open it!" Alice insisted and I rolled my eyes before undoing the ribbon and carefully peeling off the wrapping paper. Inside was a shoebox.

"Shoes, Alice?" I laughed and then blanched when I opened the box and saw the trademark red soles of my new Louboutins. "Alice!" I gasped now, my tone entirely different. "These must have cost you a fortune!"

She shrugged. "Do you like them?"

"I love them," I gushed, running a finger over the soft leather and eyeing the high stiletto heels. "I don't know if I'll be able to _walk_ in them."

"I've seen you," she said with a wink. "You pull them off very well. I'm glad your shoulder's better, how long has it been out of the sling?"

I was sure she already knew the answer to this question but before I could reply, Charlie spotted Alice and came over, blushing as she gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

As the evening passed, a warm fuzzy feeling came over me and I knew it wasn't just from the wine. Why had I left all of these people who loved me? What had I been running from? The same old questions over and over. And it didn't matter now anyway; I was here, and I was happy. Surely that was all that mattered.

Then I remembered my decision to meet up with Edward and my stomach squirmed uncomfortably.

Jacob seemed to have noticed the change in me, and came over. Leaning close to my ear, he whispered, "Come with me."

I wasn't sure what he wanted but I finished the last swallow of my drink and put my glass down before following him out of the cosy living room and up the staircase to his small bedroom. I hadn't been in his room before, but it was neat and tidy, a few posters of motorcycles tacked to the otherwise bare white walls. Most of the floor space was taken up by a double bed, which had been somewhat sloppily made. A large wardrobe stood against one wall, a sofa against another.

"I wanted to give you your present away from everyone else," he said quietly and I felt my stomach squirm as he sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him.

Nervously I sat beside him, unsure of what was about to happen. Reaching behind him, he pulled out a badly wrapped package. "Happy Birthday Bella."

"Honestly, Jake," I said, "You've already done so much by throwing me this party – and inviting Alice! When you knew you didn't have to. You really didn't need to get me anything else."

He ignored all of this. "Open it."

I tore off the wrapping paper and found a beautiful leather bound notebook and a heavy metallic pen.

"I thought you should stop reading so many stories and write one of your own."

I gaped down at the book and pen in my hand. "I…wow, I don't know what to say, Jacob."

He shrugged. "Then don't say anything."

I looked up into his eyes, startled by how close he was sitting to me. My stomach squirmed as he reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Bella," he whispered, his warm sweet breath tickling my face. "You are so incredibly beautiful."

I knew confusion was apparent in my eyes as I gazed up at him, unable to move or even think. He leaned in even closer, stroking my cheek gently with his thumb then tracing the curve of my mouth with a gentle finger.

"Jacob," I managed to stutter. "What are you doing?"

His hand dropped and he looked away from me with a sigh.

"Nothing, I guess."

But this wasn't good enough. I captured his hand in my own and drew it back up to my face, not quite daring to kiss his fingers as I was longing to. I knew I needed to talk to him. I had to communicate my feelings and find out how he felt as well. But what if he rejected me? He'd already told me that he got over me while I was away. I already knew that! So why was he touching me and acting as though there was something between us?

Suddenly I realised that I was fed up and cross. No, not cross. I was angry.

I pushed his hand away and stood up, storming over to his window and glaring out into the darkness, my arms crossed tightly over my chest. I was not going to allow my happiness to depend on someone else. If he wanted more than friendship from me then he could damn well tell me that.

"Bella?" I sensed that Jacob had stood as well, but I didn't turn around. Despite my anger I didn't want to see the hurt or confusion in his eyes.

"You can't just play with me like this, Jacob. It's not fair."

"What?" he placed a hand on my shoulder to turn me around but I shrugged him off, refusing to turn and look at him. I knew I was acting like a child but for the moment I didn't care. In fact, I felt like crying. What was wrong with me? Why were my emotions all over the place? "Bella, what is going on?" he asked again.

"When we met up for dinner, that first night I arrived here. You said 'Loved. Past tense.' You told me that you'd moved on and you were over me. So what are you doing now?"

He sighed but didn't say anything so I turned around to glare at him. He was looking at the floor, his hands thrust deep in his pocket. Ashamedly, I wiped away an angry tear.

"That's what I thought. You don't get to just mess around with me like I don't have feelings; that's not fair. You don't get to treat me like Laura."

I left the room, closing the bedroom door behind me with a sharp click. I immediately felt guilty for the way I had spoken to him. He'd organised a beautiful party for me after all and bought me such a thoughtful present.

I shook my head to clear it and returned to the guests.

**Jacob's POV**

I stood frozen to the spot for a good minute after Bella had snapped the door closed behind her. I hated that I didn't run after her. That I didn't tell her how I really felt. But the hypocrisy of the situation made me angry.

Hadn't she done the exact same thing to me years ago? Hadn't she held my hand and touched me and hugged me the way people in a relationship do? And then the second that filthy bloodsucker was back on the scene she kicked me to the curb. And now she had the nerve to turn around and tell _me_ to stop playing with _her_.

I sighed and sat heavily on my bed, burying my face in my hands. Maybe she'd just had the guts to do what I should have when I was a kid.

But of course I wanted her. How could she think I didn't? Had I really been that good at convincing Bella that I was over her? I thought the lie had been more transparent than glass.

And then I remembered the tear running down her face. Maybe, just maybe, she'd been upset with me not because she thought I was playing with her, but because she had feelings for me now.

This idea set my heart racing. But could I possibly hope?

I got to my feet. I had to try. What was the worse that could happen? She was angry with me anyway. Surely it would be better for me to tell her how I really felt and she rejected me than she thought I was just having a bit of fun with her.

But I had to do something first though. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the contacts until I found the one I wanted. The phone rang twice before she picked up.

"Hey baby, what's up? Do you wanna come over?"

"No," I replied shortly. "Laura, listen to me. It's over between us. I don't want to see you anymore. I'm not in love with you and I never was. I'm in love with someone else. I'm sorry."

I let her cry down the phone for a minute, knowing I was a bastard for doing it this way, but it had to be over between us before I tried to start anything with Bella. Finally, over the noise of her sobbing, I told her I had to go then hung up.

Rushing downstairs, I was ambushed by Chris who was carrying two drinks back down the hallway. "There's Martha Stewart!" he joked. "Where've you been? Surely you should be in the party, straightening some serviettes or something?"

I ignored his annoying smirk and pushed past him into the crowded living room. Bella was talking quietly with Angela and Alice when I walked up to her.

"Bella, I need to talk to you," I said bluntly, interrupting their conversation.

She looked at me for a moment before handing Alice her drink and following me out of the living room, down the hallway and into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter and gazed steadily at me, her eyes unreadable.

"I just broke up with Laura," I said feebly, unsure of how to begin.

"Congratulations," was her dry response.

I swore under my breath and stormed over to her, pushing her against the countertop as I pressed our bodies together. Then I cupped her cheek, tangling my fingers in her curls as I tilted her face to meet mine, pressing my lips against hers with more force than I had intended.

To my surprise, I could feel her body react as she pressed herself harder into me, one of her arms slowly gliding up my back, her hand grabbing onto my t-shirt.

Our kiss became slower and gentler, some of the desperation fading until I finally released her lips and took a small step backwards. Her eyelids had opened and she gazed up at me, confusion stamped across her big dark eyes.

"Bella, when I told you that I was over you, I lied."

I'd meant it to come out smoother than that, but the blunt truth would have to do.

She gazed at me stunned for a moment before she finally asked, "why?"

I took another step back form her and ran my hand through my already dishevelled hair. "I don't know," I replied wracking my brain for answers. "Because I _should_ have got over you – and I kind of did in a way. But as soon as you returned it all came flooding back. From the moment you walked into the garage I just wanted to feel you in my arms."

"But Jake," she whispered, but I wouldn't let her interrupt.

I pressed on, "Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me when we were still in high school? I was so completely in love with you but you were always in love with him. It killed me, Bella. Nothing has ever hurt that much. And I could see how bad he was for you – everyone could, but you stayed with him anyway. And then when you broke up with him, you just left. And I didn't want to put myself through that pain again when you came back. But it's you." I reached out and grabbed her hands. "It's _you_, Bella, and I can't stay away from you. More than anything, you're my best friend. And no matter what you say tonight, I want you to always be my best friend."

She didn't say anything for a very long moment and I knew I had gone too far. I'd lost her again, and I would never be able to get her back.

But then….

"Kiss me again," she demanded.

I didn't need telling twice. I grabbed her and pulled her into me, exploring her lips and mouth with a kind of heat that I had only day dreamed about. I ran my hands down her back and over her jeans, then lifted her small body up. She reacted by wrapping her legs around my waist, her arms clenched tightly around me as she nipped gently at my lips, begging entrance.

A small cough from the doorway made me jump back from Bella and I nearly dropped her on the floor in my haste to release her. Blushing furiously, Bella and I both turned to see Seth grinning in the doorframe. Before he spoke I grabbed a glass from the counter, took Bella's hand and pushed past him back into the living room.

ooo

**Bella's POV**

After everyone had left, and we had put up with meaningful looks and winks from Seth all evening, Jacob and I were left to clean up the empty glasses and half-eaten plates of food scattered around the living room. Charlie was busy making up the sofa bed for Billy to sleep on and he was going to stay in the guest bedroom before driving them both back to Forks the next day.

Jacob and I busied ourselves with the washing up waiting until, at last, a yawning Charlie bid us goodnight and went upstairs. I could already hear Billy's snores coming from the living room and Chris had vanished halfway through the party, to bed I assumed.

I continued to scrub at a plate, my attention focused on my soapy hands, but listening for sounds of Jacob beside me. I didn't dare look at him. I could hear his ragged breathing and the sound of the tea towel wiping a plate dry. It felt as though static electricity was buzzing through the air.

"Bella," he murmured and I was surprised at how close he was. I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes and swallowed hard. His face was mere inches from mine, his eyes intense with longing. Suddenly I was scared. What exactly did Jacob expect was going to happen tonight? What was he expecting from me?

Some of the fear must have shown in my eyes because he stroked a finger down my cheek then pulled me into a warm hug. I held my dripping hands awkwardly behind him as I buried my face into his chest and he stroked my hair soothingly.

"I didn't mean to frighten you, honey."

"I'm not frightened," I tried to say, but as my lips were pressed into him, my response was incomprehensible. I felt the chuckle rumble through his chest.

He pulled back and stooped a little so he could look directly into my eyes. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

I licked my lips, not sure what I wanted. Finally, I shook my head.

"Do you want to stay here?"

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said honestly, feeling like an idiot.

This just made Jacob grin even wider.

"How about we go up to bed and we can get some fully clothed sleep?"

I couldn't help but smile. He could read me so easily and had clearly known what was bothering me. "That sounds okay."

I'd had the forethought to bring my toothbrush and a pair of pyjamas, thinking that I might be crashing on the couch if the party ended late, so I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. My stomach still squirmed at the thought of sleeping in Jacob's bed. I looked at my pale reflection in the mirror. _Get a grip_, I thought. _You just kissed okay? It was no big deal_.

I tried to make myself believe this. Even if I wanted it to, nothing could happen tonight – Charlie was asleep in the next room after all.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door and Jacob called through, "Bells are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything?"

I unlocked the door and stepped out. "I'm fine," I said. "Bathroom's all yours."

He grinned and cupped my chin in his warm hand before leaning down and kissing me delicately on the lips. "You head to bed, I'll be just a minute."

As I lay in Jacob's bed, I thought about what Dr. Kopner had said to me one rainy day as I sat on her comfy suede sofa. "You're learning to participate in your life, Bella. It's not an easy process."

I hadn't understood really understood what she meant but I'd taken the words to heart, and from that point forward had thrown myself into every opportunity that presented itself. Including Henry. In hindsight, I had probably overcompensated. But I also developed the "no regrets" attitude that I think had been necessary for myself at the time. I'd decided that everything I did was a choice, and that I made choices based on what I needed. Therefore I couldn't regret anything I did later because everything I did, I had chosen to do. Did that make sense?

I don't know if my philosophy actually worked, but I believe I'd taken Dr Kopner's advice – my life had become my own. It was what I made it.

I don't remember Jacob coming to bed.

I must have dozed off while he was still brushing his teeth, and I was unaware of him creeping into the room, smirking at my unconscious form and then climbing into bed beside me, pulling my body into his warm, strong chest.

I woke fairly early the next morning, and carefully untangled myself from Jacob. I gazed down at his sleeping form and couldn't help but smile. He looked so peaceful. Very carefully so as not to wake him, I leant down and gently pressed my lips to his forehead then grabbed my bag and slipped out of the bedroom. I wanted to head home and get changed before Charlie woke up and it was still very early.

Quietly closing the door behind me, I turned and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw the figure standing in the dark hallway.

"Oh my god," I whispered, clutching a hand to my rapidly beating heart. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

* * *

**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Please review - what would you like to happen next with bella and jacob? xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: **Wow! I am so sorry it's taken me this long to update. I honestly have no good excuse. To make it up to you, I promise to upload the next chapter within the week! Thanks once again to all my lovely reviewers:

bartender - that is so strange! As you know all characters in this story belong to Stephenie Meyer and I would never attempt to profit from this story in any way. Don't know who could be uploading it to Amazon, but they're a bit cheeky!

leelator - I promise it will all be explained :) in time...

Dottyanne, Anony, Helen S, wolfhappiness, lucky97mary, oncebitten84, q, and everyone else - thanks for the reviews, they keep me smiling!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven:**

"_If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you'll never enjoy the sunshine." - _Morris West

I keep waiting for life to fall into place and for everything to calm down and make sense. I'm not sure how healthy that is. Dr Kopner would probably say that I'm not an active participant and am yet again sitting on the sidelines. Maybe that's true. But being a human being in the supernatural world can make one feel fairly helpless.

At my birthday party, after I'd stormed out of Jacob's room, I'd told Alice that I was ready to see Edward. But I had some demands. Everything would have to be on my terms – we'd meet at the local coffee shop next to my work and I would give him an hour of my time. That would be it.

Alice had agreed, seemingly unsurprised by my demands. Of course she had known.

And so for the next week, I lived with a constant knot of worry in my stomach.

My stomach growled and I glanced at the clock sitting on my desk. One o'clock. Definitely lunchtime. Beautiful autumn sunshine shone through my office's floor-to-ceiling windows and I left my jacket hopefully draped over the back of my chair as I went off in search of Mel.

I found her reading a picture book to a group of small children and I listened until she had finished the story. When she looked up, she blushed to see me.

"I'll see you next time, kids," she said sweetly as the small children ran off to find their parents.

I grinned mischievously at her and she glared back at me.

"Lunch?"

She rolled her eyes but grabbed her bag anyway and we walked silently out of the library into the beautiful midday sunshine.

"So are we going to talk about it?" I asked once we'd placed our orders with the Panini Man and stood waiting, sipping our take-away coffees.

"I suppose I don't have a choice do I?"

"Of course you have a choice. But I will pester you until you explain."

"You're a brat, Bella."

I laughed. "I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before." I nudged her with my practically healed shoulder. "Come on, it's me you're talking to."

She sighed. "I really didn't mean for anyone to see me, you know."

"So tell me what happened."

"Fine."

We grabbed our sandwiches and walked over to a sunny patch of grass to sit and eat.

"He was being so obnoxious when we were talking, we spent most of the evening arguing. Then, when I went to get us a drink, he followed me into the hallway and before I knew it we were making out. Next thing I knew we were in his bedroom."

I watched her face carefully, glad to see a small smile playing on her lips as she picked aimlessly at the plastic lid on her cup.

"But he's so frustrating," she burst out. "There were times when I just wanted to kiss him to make him shut up. Honestly."

"I laughed. Yeah, I haven't had much to do with Chris but he does seem nicer with his mouth closed."

She laughed, "Anyway, what were you doing sneaking out of Jacob's room so early?"

I shrugged. "I stayed over."

She gave me a significant look and I rolled my eyes.

"No, nothing like that happened. Honestly, mind in the gutter, Mel. We just slept, that was all."

"Right."

I blushed. "Okay, well we did kiss."

She squealed and threw an arm around my shoulders.

"Ow! Shoulder!" I reminded her. It had all but healed, but did twinge occasionally when knocked.

"Sorry! But Bella, this is so exciting. I can't believe you kissed! What now? What about his girlfriend?"

I shrugged. "They broke up."

"What about _your_ boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes. "Henry is _not_ my boyfriend. And besides, like you can talk. What's happening with the married man now you and Chris are sleeping together?"

"We're not sleeping together, we just slept together, that's all."

"Doesn't answer my question."

She sighed and shrugged. "What does it matter anyway? He's never going to leave his wife. But I can't seem to get over him either so we're at a bit of an impasse as they say."

I rested a hand on her arm sympathetically. Although I hadn't really taken to Chris on our first encounter, I really hoped that he would be good to Mel. Or at least be a good distraction until she got over the married man.

Finally it was time to head back to lunch, but not before I'd told her all about my upcoming meeting with Edward and the fears I had at seeing him again.

As we approached the library, I was startled to see a familiar figure standing by the entrance. Mel grabbed my arm in a vice-like grip.

Chris leant against the wall, looking unbelievably handsome in a pair of dark wash jeans and a grey tshirt. He was smiling at Mel and held two coffees in his hands.

Mel grabbed my arm. "I have a book reading at 2," she whispered frantically. "I can't miss it. Shit what am I going to do?"

I sighed. "I'll do your book reading, okay?" After all, how difficult could it be, reading to twenty or so children?

"Oh my god, Bella you're a lifesaver. Really you don't mind?"

I shook my head.

"I left the book on the cabinet by my chair. It should only be about 20 kids and their parents. All you need to do is read the picture book then answer any questions afterwards."

"Not a problem. You go enjoy yourself. Just promise me you'll tell me everything afterwards."

She hugged me then hurried off towards Chris who leaned in and kissed her full on the lips before handing her a coffee, throwing an arm around her shoulders and striding off down the pathway.

_Boys_, I thought crossly, but secretly wishing it had been Jacob waiting by the door, not his obnoxious flatmate Chris.

I slowly made my way back up to the Children's Literature Departure, keeping an eye on the time. I wasn't great with kids, not having much experience, and I was a little worried about this book reading. I'd seen Mel do book readings before and she was fantastic, bringing the stories to life with her voice and facial expressions. The best I could hope for was to not suck too badly.

A few teenagers sat moodily on the chairs as I arrived and I assumed they'd been conned into bringing younger siblings by their parents. A few adults were sitting on the chairs as well but there wasn't a child in sight. They must have been off in the play area. After all, it was still ten minutes to 2.

Shyly I introduced myself to the people who were already seated and explained that I would be reading the story this afternoon. They all just stared at me as though I was a Martian.

"Right," I said quietly. "Well I'll be starting in 10 minutes, so um, please make yourselves comfortable until then."

A pimply teenage boy smirked at me. "At which point we'll all be uncomfortable?"

The adults in the audience chuckled and I felt my face burn even darker red. I tried to laugh along with the audience but quickly turned my back on them, desperate to hide my embarrassment. I found the picture book that Mel had left on the cabinet and picked it up.

Then I froze.

I was going to kill Mel, I really was.

"Puberty Blues," I whispered as I read the title of the book, absolutely mortified. In shock, I thumbed through the pages, aware that Mel hadn't completely lied – it _was_ a picture book, that was for sure. I halted thumbing through the pages when a title popped out at me – "Masturbating – It's Natural"

"Oh my god," I muttered, staring dumbfounded at the accompanying cartoon drawing of a boy in bed with his hands placed mysteriously under the covers and a look of extreme satisfaction on his face. "Oh my god," I whispered again. I wanted to sink through the floor.

ooo

I called Jacob as soon as I left work that evening and to give him his due, he listened to the story of my afternoon without laughing once.

"Do you want to come over?" he asked.

Part of me did, but I was nervous as to what he would expect from me if I went. "I think I'll just go for a run then go to bed," I replied. "Thanks anyway."

"Well, can you leave this weekend free? I've been planning something."

I was instantly curious. "Don't forget, I'm meeting Edward at 5:30 on Friday."

He made an impatient noise. "Fine fine," he said. "But after that? Can I have you the rest of the weekend?"

I smiled. "Sure you can," I said quietly liking the way he had asked.

By the time I got home, I didn't feel like going for a run. Instead I drew myself a hot bath, turned on some relaxing music and tried to forget about my mortifying afternoon. Just as I was relaxing in the bubbles, I heard my mobile phone ring. Carefully I stepped out of the bath, wrapped myself in a towel and hurried over to my nightstand.

'_Karin'_ was flashing across the screen of my phone and I grinned. It had been too long since we spoke.

"Hey!"

"Bella!" came the cry from the other end of the line. "It's so good to hear your voice, babe, how are you?"

"Oh I'm okay," I replied, shivering in the chilly air. "Despite having to answer personal questions about my sex life to 20 thirteen year olds this afternoon."

"Can't you get arrested for that?"

I laughed. "Oh shut up, it was a library talk thing."

"Well make sure you're not in jail next month, because guess who's coming to visit you?!"

"No way!"

"Yes way, and you better be ready to get your dancing shoes out, babe because I miss our nights out."

"I actually have a pair of shoes I'm dying to wear!" I said, thinking about the red-soled Louboutins still sitting in their box in my closet.

"I'll email you the dates, okay?"

We chatted for a little longer and I felt a little better about my appalling day at work after I got off the phone.

The week passed quickly as I busied myself with organising a function for a new book opening in November. Marcus wanted a black tie event, and I found that party-planning wasn't one of my skills. The invitations had to be sent out by the end of the week, and my stress levels were rising as Marcus kept changing and adding to the guest list. It didn't help that the Friday meeting with Edward was also hanging over my head.

I finally snapped at Marcus, "You realise every time you do that, I have to call the caterers back and change my order?"

He laughed his usual full-bellied guffaw and patted me on the back. "So fiery, Bella."

By Friday afternoon I was sick with nerves. I'd finally forgiven Mel for the Puberty fiasco, and went down to visit her after work.

"I don't know if I can do it," I told her quietly, wringing my hands anxiously.

"Sure you can." She flung an arm around my shoulders. "You just need to remember the person you are now, and don't let him control the situation. And if he really is as gorgeous as you claim, just imagine him in 50 years time when he'll still be controlling and manipulative but he'll also be fat and ugly."

I wished this were true.

"Don't let him try and engage in small talk," she continued. "Remember, he doesn't need to know about your life now."

I gave her a quick hug before leaving the library. We were to meet at the coffee shop across the road. It had started to rain, and I pulled my jacket a little tighter around me before putting up my umbrella and dashing across the street.

Edward was already there when I arrived, seated in a corner booth and playing on his phone. He glanced up when I arrived and smiled at me. I felt my insides clench.

_Don't fall for it, Bella_, I told myself, grateful yet again that he couldn't hear what was going on inside my head.

I smiled weakly back and went over to the table and sat opposite.

"Hi," he said, his voice even more soft and melodic than I remembered.

"Hi," I replied, and I noticed how clipped and curt my voice sounded in contrast. I winced inwardly.

"How are you?" he asked, his golden eyes gazing at me unblinkingly. I felt myself begin to melt into their depths but mentally shook myself. _Pull yourself together, Bella!_

"I'm fine, Edward," I said, trying to soften my voice but with little effect.

"And how's your new job?"

I felt rude but I had to stick to my guns. "It's fine. Listen, Edward, I'm not here for small talk, okay? Alice said you had something to say to me so why don't you just go ahead and say it?"

He looked completely taken aback. He even slid backwards a little in his chair, his eyebrows rising. I nearly opened my mouth to apologise but stopped myself just in time. No. I had nothing to be sorry for.

"Okay, then," he said slowly. "I suppose part of the reason I wanted to meet up with you this afternoon was to just know that you were okay."

"Well I'm fine, thank you."

"That's good," he said nodding. "Honestly, Bella, that's really good. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy."

I sat there fuming. The way he spoke sounded like he took credit for my happiness – he had _allowed_ me to be happy.

"I'm sorry I could never make you happy," he said quietly his golden eyes boring into mine.

I shrugged. "It just wasn't meant to be, Edward. And I hope you're happy now too."

He smiled crookedly at me, and I wasn't sure if it was a smile I liked. "You've really changed you know."

"I know," I replied. "In a good way though I think. I have a better understanding of who I am now."

"That's good," he said, nodding encouragingly.

"So is that all you wanted?" I asked. "To see how I'm doing?"

"Not exactly." For the first time he didn't meet my eyes. "No, Bella, there's something I need to talk to you about."

I waited, a sense of unease growing in my tummy. He played mindlessly with the full cup of coffee he had ordered before I arrived.

"Alice has seen some movement," he began, running a hand through his thick bronze hair. "Within the Volturi."

I felt ice grip my heart. The breath I drew in caught in my throat and a sob slipped from my mouth. Before I knew it, he reached out and took my hands in his own.

"Bella, it will be okay, I promise. I won't let them hurt you. At the moment, you have just crossed their minds, that's all. They're just wondering. Alice hasn't seen any action yet. But I promise you, when the time comes I will protect you."

"No you won't."

I started at the loud voice next to me and looked around to see Jacob standing beside our table, glaring at Edward.

"_I _will protect her."

Edward rose to his feet, dropping my hands as he did so. "And how exactly do you plan to do that, dog, with your powers only a fraction of what they used to be?" his voice was no more than a whisper, but I could feel the venom behind them.

"Step outside and I'll show you," Jacob growled.

"Enough," I said. "Sit down both of you, people are staring."

The two men looked at me uncertainly until I barked, "Sit! Now!"

They both sat, still glaring at each other but looking a little sheepish at the same time.

I turned to look at Edward. "When do you think the Volturi will be coming?"

"Perhaps a year… at most."

I felt a tremor run through my body but tried to push it aside.

"And when they arrive, what do you suppose they will do?"

"We believe the root cause of their actions is to diminish _our_ numbers rather than any true concern at your knowledge of their existence," he said quietly. "They will want Carlisle and our family to fight so they have an excuse to destroy us."

"Well that can't happen," I said matter-of-factly.

"If you think for one moment that we will leave you defenceless –" Edward began but Jacob cut him off.

"She won't be defenceless! She'll have the pack and me."

"You don't know their ways," Edward said quietly. "You can't read their thoughts."

Jacob gazed levelly at Edward. "So what do you propose we do?"

Edward sighed. "I propose we fight together. Caius is afraid of werewolves and when they see our numbers they'll rethink their attack. Especially if Alice can show them how badly the Volturi will be hurt by an attack. We'll try and convince some other friends to stand with us. People tend to trust Alice when she says they won't be hurt."

Jacob nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

"Hello!" I said crossly. "Don't I have a say in this plan?"

"Of course you do," said Edward quietly. "What is it you propose we do?"

"No one is going to get hurt because of me, that's just not fair."

"Well until the Volturi make a decision, Alice can't see that far ahead. So shall we tentatively agree on this plan until Alice sees anything else?"

Begrudgingly I agreed. "If that's all, Edward, I think I'll go. I've had a long day."

He nodded. "I'll keep in touch."

"Okay."

We quickly said goodbye and Jacob and I left as Edward stayed to pay for his un-drunk coffee.

"Why did you show up?" I demanded of Jacob the moment we were outside.

Jacob looked ashamed. "I didn't mean to butt in, I really didn't. I was just going to wait outside for you in case you needed a shoulder to cry on but then when I heard him say he was going to protect you, I couldn't help myself."

"So you were eavesdropping," I accused.

He looked guiltily down at his hands. "I suppose so."

"Honestly, Jake, I can look after myself with Edward."

He stopped walking and caught my hand in his. "I know," he agreed, forcing me to look at him. "I know, Bella, and I don't doubt you. I promise that I had no intention of interfering. But as soon as I heard him mentioning the Volturi, I got scared."

I sighed. "So did I."

He pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms gently around him as well, enjoying his warmth.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come this evening," he admitted. "But I knew you'd want to be with a friend after speaking with him so I wanted to be there for you. I should have sat somewhere out of hearing range I suppose."

"Thanks for coming, Jacob. But I _can _look after myself. With Edward anyway."

"I know," he replied and released me from the hug, taking my hand firmly in his as we walked down the street. "Hey you did promise that I was going to get you all weekend, right?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, I did. Why?"

He just grinned at me, his white teeth flashing. "Go home and pack, I'm taking you away for the weekend."

* * *

**Please leave a review and I promise to upload the next chapter later this week! xxx **


End file.
